Powerful Connections

Is it possible for a man and a woman to be good friends? I mean, is it really possible that we can experience one another as friends on an exceptionally deep level of understanding without at some point re-arranging our set of priorities and transform the relationship into something physical?

Before attending my first NLP training I was 120 % inclined to reject the possibility of a male / female relationship based solely on non-sexual intentions. At some point, I believed, one of the parties will always turn towards our genetic purpose. Sexual attraction will build. The feeling of friendship will either develop into something physical or it will perish. 99 % of my communication was pre-processed and pre-designed to achieve a certain outcome inside the other person. I was effectively denying myself from living in the moment.

Throughout most of my adult life this belief has defined which friends I have chosen. My friends have all been male. And then… all the sudden… I met this amazing woman that really got me thinking. I’m actually still thinking the topic through, deciding whether or not to completely let go of my old belief that was adopted through years of focus and application of seductive communication principles. Or, well, … I have decided to surrender myself completely to the flow of the moment.  

Adapt yourself to the life you have been given; and truly love the people with whom destiny has surrounded you. - Marcus Aurelius

When I first met this woman I found myself doing several transderivational searches as we talked for about two hours. My initial thoughts were that this was a very hot and to me very attractive woman with great self-esteem, and I couldn’t quite figure it out; her level of density and ability to communicate with no filters baffled me. Don’t get me wrong, I have met several women along the way that have inspired and posed a challenge to me. This particular woman has a way about her though… As I walked home from our first encounter I remember asking myself if I was dreaming. Could she really be as straightforward as I had perceived? What was she doing that made it so easy for me to choose to listen, I mean really listen, to her person rather than just searching for ways to escalate our relationship into something more?

Had I met this woman in the distant past, I would not have been ready for this thought process. I have been on a long journey and I have explored many relations to get to where I am today. I feel enlightened, not superior. I feel genuine, and this story would not have been possible if I had not made a conscious choice to be open and thankful towards the world. Thank you Steve, thank you friends, for providing me with the questions I need to really look inside of myself.

As a pickup artist I was used to communicate on several levels, and the women that have managed to challenge me by calling me out for being in my head have traditionally won my heart fairly quickly. Even though I have managed to learn how to communicate mainly from my heart and not my head - or crotch - I have always, to some extent, been applying some sort of analytical sense and evaluatio of the social dynamics between myself and the woman with whom I was engaged in conversation. You may think of me as a cynic, and in hindsight I completely agree. It is one of the oldest PUA paradigms in play: Man and woman cannot ever truly be friends, because one of the parties will always seek to fulfill their genetic purpose in life over their conscious efforts.

But, as I think this through - I find this paradigm to be one that inhibits the PUA from the freedom to really FEEL the woman he is communicating with. If we are to extrapolate on this thought, everything a PUA does is hindered by an invisible filter inhibiting him from truly opening up to other people. We fail to understand what Shakespeare did long before us:

“Hear the meaning within the word.” - William Shakespeare

So, there I was… at a bar with an amazingly beautiful, intelligent and feminine woman thinking to myself that I was completely fascinated by her spirit and drawn to her “glow.” We had talked about a ton of stuff, I felt as if I had known her core person for years and I had communicated something to a woman that would previously transcend beyond my wildest dreams: “I appreciate you as a friend.”

At one point during our talk the other night I actually felt completely naked. I was in my right element, showing who I really was and listening to who she really was, as I was feeling completely relaxed about the whole thing. And then my brain entered the arena… Reminding me of the physical attraction, encouraging me to seek beyond the level of friendship we had built in just three conversations. At that very moment this extremely special woman said something that would shatter my belief like a glass breaking into a million pieces.

“You are so cute when you just speak what you are thinking.” - meaning when I communicate using my heart. Amazingly enough, she was picking up on my deepest darkest thoughts. I was extremely confused, my heart feeling, my brain acknowledging, my pickup artist mindset filtering and my desire levels going through the roof. During that talk we both managed to communicate attraction to one another and a desire to seperate things. Now, if you know me, if you have met me in the past, you will most likely be scratching the back of your head going “what the heck..?!?!” - and that is what intrigues me; I am utterly attracted and in some way we have managed to establish a frame where it is OK to be attracted… period.

“It is as easy to draw back a stone, thrown with force from the hand, as to recall a word once spoken.” - Menander

I remembered the words of Menander and decided not to act on my level of physical attraction as my consciousness took over for yet another second: “You can go do what you have always done, or you can trust this woman with your life and share your biggest fears and highest hopes while letting her heart inspire you to grow your own.” My insides were, and are, revolting. I understand the background and limitiations of the PUA paradigm because I am experiencing deep attraction and flat out emotional surrender at the same time. I hope for your sake that you will allow yourself to feel equally confused and calm at the same time. It’s breath-taking, I can tell you that much.

This whole experince reminds me of a friend of mine that recently suggested me to take on celibacy. As he did, I frowned… And now, I actually understand the intent behind his suggestion. I know that, amongst many other things, he knew that the man / woman friendship paradigm of the pickup artist is one of many that has prevented me to see people clearly.

I have no idea where the journey with this woman will take me, or us. However, I do know that I will follow my heart completely and do or say whatever comes naturally.I have always made a point of letting people know when they are attractive to me - now I will make an even bigger point of being completely open to truly communicate using my heart.

Confused? Welcome to my world. What are your thoughts about cross-gender relationships?