Powerful Connections

Danish TV show ”Singleliv” (a show about the life of singles) just featured a new kid on the block.. His name is Anders Tryka, and he is described by the TV production company as ”Anders, 32, is a lonely dating coach. Although he makes a living by teaching guys to find and attract women, he has yet to find a woman of his own.”

Obviously, on a TV show like ”Singleliv” the above description makes a lot of sense to the producers. It’s dramatic. It’s full of paradox. It’s enticing. Alluring even. It makes you curious.

When they approached me and asked if I would be interested in joining the show, I thought it over a few times.

What’s My Background?

I have been on TV and in newspapers several times before, and I know that even the best of intentions are at risk of being cut by an editor focused on creating drama. That being said, these are the deeper layers of my ”story” Throughout my career, first in the IT industry as a sales rep, then as a coach, I have been fighting against the odds, let me give you a few examples of what I mean by that:

• Executives would deem me to young to do what I was qualified to do.
• The media would attempt to label me as manipulative and scheming.
• Business partners would refrain from using me as a sub-contractor out of fear of what their customers would say if they googled me.
• Women, upon realizing that I use part of my time as a pickup coach, would bail on me.

I have learned through my training in NLP that the second you judge someone, you lose all ability to influence them. Anders Tryka the dating coach, as seen on ”Singleliv,” is a whole lot more than what 8 minutes of TV once per week will show you.

Through all of the feedback in my life, I have prevailed. Over the past two years I have coached hundreds of people with the sole intent of enabling them to shift their focus towards leading a happy and rewarding life, not just for themselves – but also to add value and joy to the lives of others. I have managed to maintain and develop strong relationships to several business customers that come back for my coaching or consulting, time and time again. I have a strong circle of friends I would walk through hell to protect. I believe I have met a special person that I connect with on level like I never have before.

No matter what you may choose to perceive as your own truth about me, this is my truth: Deep inside I am a happy person that enjoys life. Over the years I have helped hundreds of guys meet and provide great experiences to tons of people in their lives. I thank you all for that blessing.

My Point?

Actually, that is my real motivation for accepting the invitation to be on ”Singleliv.” I hope to prove that you do not have to appeal to the lowest common denominator in order for you to be featured on a TV show. My intent was to show who I am behind the dating coach label.

I know that in being a “regular” on the TV show “Singleliv” I risk trash-talking, losing business customers and whatnot. So be it. In the end, I trust that my friends are full of integrity and stand up for me as I do for them, you see…

Someone I deeply respect and admire told me that it’s OK for a guy to flirt with girls, even if he is out with his girlfriend. As long as he remembers to check in with her, take time out to really ”feel” her and then squeeze her hand if he senses she has a bad day. Beautiful words from a person I hold in the highest regard.

All I’m asking from my friends and those of you that I have helped, either by my words on this or other media, my coaching or as your dedicated friend, is to get a squeeze in the hand from you now and then, in the highly unlikely event that I should be having a bad day.

Is that too much too ask?

Dear friend,

A few days ago I received a very special Christmas present. A reader of my new eBook “Powerful Game - Strategies of a Highly Successful Pickup Artist” decided to write a full review of the book after reading it and applying the principles in his life. I was amazed to see how the contents of the book touched him, and I feel priviledged that he has let me share this review with you.

The reviewer is 27 years old and lives in Denmark. Here’s the story:

“Powerful Game - Strategies of a Highly Successful Pickup Artist” teaches a pickup style that uses no openers, routines, or complex diagrams á la Mystery. The author, Anders Tryka a.k.a. “Dreamz”, calls this “natural game.”

The spirit of Anders’ pickup style taught in Powerful Game can be likened to the martial art of Krav Maga. Krav Maga differs from the traditional martial arts in that it is based on natural body movements, thereby making it “easy to learn, and hard to forget”. In Krav Maga you don’t learn complicated sequences of contortionist body movements, no 720 turnaround jump-kicks. You get a framework and a mindset for defending yourself, which is designed to be quickly absorbed in your body and spirit.

I see this resembled in Powerful Game, where Anders likewise provides a framework and a mindset. The book is organized in two parts. The first part explores tools for creating a great life of your own choosing. The second section has an explicit attraction focus.

I absolutely  recommend not skipping the first half of the book. Many of the concepts here come from the world of NLP: setting SMART goals, re-framing all that happens in your world to the positive, being your own authority in life (internally referencing), understanding the stages of learning, etc. These are tools for boosting your inner game. I have been working with an NLP coach for just over a year, using these very tools. I can attest that using these tools with faith will enable you to become the person you want to be. In traditional PUA-speak (which Anders is avoiding as much as possible in this book), this section shows you a way to becoming the Alpha-male version of yourself.

The second half of the book is dedicated to specific principles of attraction. There are no canned openers, routines, kiss-, phone- or f-close recipes. The verbal techniques are not phrases but patterns – and I mean easily applicable and memorable patterns. For example, on the topic of “openers” (initiating conversation), Anders teaches that it doesn’t really matter what you say. It’s all about how you say it, and how you combine statements and questions. Using these guidelines allows you to make up congruent openers on the spot. As with all concepts presented in the book, you learn the how and the why, as opposed to any canned specifically so recipes.

I especially like the book’s focus on social dynamics, which again reminds me of Krav Maga. The martial art of Krav Maga teaches spatial awareness, or “tactical behavior”. You must be aware of your surroundings to make use of them, rather than be surprised by the guy with the crowbar behind you. Likewise in Powerful Game, Anders teaches effective techniques for understanding and manipulating social dynamics. Being aware of what’s going on around you is similarly important in both arts.

In Powerful Game as in Krav Maga, you take charge: verbally and physically. For example, how do you join a group of people for attracting one of the girls in it? Groups of people can be joined by briefly breaking the group’s conversational flow, and then establishing yourself as a new member in the group. This is achieved by creating a vacuum that can be used for stepping into the group both verbally and physically (the concept of “lock-in”). As all the other attraction techniques taught in the book, lock-in (which I have tried – it’s an absolute rush when you make it happen for the first time!) is easy to learn and hard to forget.

My one point of criticism is, that the book could have used more polishing. The reading flow is broken at times by clunky sentence structure.

On the whole I wholeheartedly recommend this book – because there’s so much Krav Maga over it. This is a holistic approach to having a great life and excelling at pickup, that is easy to learn, and hard to forget.

In terms of seduction, attraction, pick up, or whatever predicate you use, one key word I hear a lot is “state.” Actually this key word is often heard in coherence with the phrase: “I wasn’t in state, so I decided not to approach the girl.”

I love that procrastinating phrase for what it is: An excuse to not act on your deepest desires that, once you’ve read this article, will no longer have any meaning to you. It’s impossible to NOT be in state unless our dead.

What is STATE?

The term “state” covers the prolonged term “emotional state” and simplified, our state consists of three key elements; our filters (belief system), our internal representation (inner dialogue) and our physiology (how we use our body).

We have resourceful states such as joy, happiness, motivation, love, passion – and we have un-resourceful states such as fear, anger, procrastination, sadness, hurt and guilt.

FACT: It is neurologically impossible for two states to co-exist inside our body at the same time.

What kind of words do you use when you are extremely happy? What do you believe in? What’s the tonality of those words? How do you use your body when you realize that you are extremely happy?

Do you use words like “dammit, I’m such a dickhead…” or is it something else? Are you sitting down, arms folded, shallow breath, muscles tightened?  Probably not.

Well, what if you find yourself in an extremely horny state? Do you think you will be using the same words, beliefs, tonality, physiology, as you do when you are happy? With identical external input, would you be taking the same actions in either happy or horny states?

The importance of your beliefs

Your actions, combined with the state of other people, determine your communication outcomes. You cannot control other people, and therefore, in communicating with them your sole responsibility is to act - and change your actions when you do not get the desired outcomes.

We categorize the feedback we get on our actions. We do this through our filters; our belief system. And boy oh boy, the human mind can be very complex. We lead our busy little lives and constantly measure our outcomes related to the outcomes of other people.

FACT: Our brains cannot consciously process all the input we receive, so we delete, distort and generalize it to “make it fit” into our model of the world.

You can identify these filters with ease when you really listen to your chosen language. Words such as “never” – “always” – “because” – “can’t” – “shouldn’t” and lots more are tip-offs.

Here’s a great example: “I can’t achieve X, because of Y.” Have you ever heard of that expression? You’ve most likely said it out loud, right? How does Y mean that you cannot achieve X?  Well, you could try a conscious approach to your belief system here…  Other than just looking for counter-examples I can recommend that you start asking yourself different questions. Try these on for size.

“Have I always believed this? … Always?”
“What specific experience or input has led me to this belief?”
“What else could I choose to believe about this experience?”
“If I could achieve X, how would I do it?”
“What is the first thing I would need to do on my path to achieving X?”

In asking yourself different questions, you are automatically shifting your focus. Your focus is found in your belief system, and if you have a different focus, you are actively applying a different belief, which in turn impacts your state!

How to change your state

“Not being in state” is a great excuse to not act on your deepest desires. one of the quickest routes to a state change is to consciously work with your physiology, dialogue or beliefs. Most people find that the best shortcut is found through shifting their physiology.

FACT: Our actions are founded in our state, and we have the ability to choose the state we are in.

For instance, you see the beautiful woman in the street and find yourself paralyzed or any other un-resourceful state that you may be in. I dare you to jump as HIGH as you can, and start singing as you hit the ground. Sing out loud, and smile as you approach! In this action, you are actually changing all three key factors to enter a new state.

FACT: On average, a state lasts for 90 seconds.

In jumping, and taking deep breaths to sing out loud, you are changing your physiology. You are focused on remembering the words of the song, and you may or may not have a completely different focus in the situation.

If you find yourself in an un-resourceful state, what happens when you put two fingers up your nose and attempt to pick your toes, whilst singing your national anthem and imagine how funny it would be if your ex-girlfriend was doing the same thing naked in a zoo? I know I’d be laughing. Actually, the picture I just had in my head put a smile on my face right now.

Stop for a moment and think about how you can apply this knowledge in your life in general, not just with women.  The next time you find yourself thinking “I am not in the right state,” remember: The choice is all yours.