Powerful Connections

Hi guys & girls

My sincerest apologies: I am extremely busy with a big project that will be available sometime during this fall, and I have prioritized this slightly over the blog. Even so, I thought I’d share a selection of openers from the past weeks.

Without further prelude, here’s a list of a few of the more curious openers I have used in my approaches this summer.

ME: Hi
HER: Get lost.
ME: Wow, who pissed you off? [sit down]
HER: I don’t want to talk with you, get lost!
ME: Well, why are you sitting next to me then?
HER: I was here first!
ME: Why are you talking to me? I don’t want to talk with you, get lost!
HER: [Goes to the bar]
ME: [Turn around, talk to random girl, her friend no doubt.]
HER: [Comes back, looks pissed]
ME: I kept your seat. Where’s my beer?
HER: [smiling]

Casual talk ensues.

+++

A girl has been looking at me from two seats over as I am sitting at a bar. She gets up, walks over, stands behind me, leans in and smells my neck.

ME: You’re sexy… Too bad you’re so shy, otherwise I would have taken down your number a long time ago.
HER: [Blushes, goes back to her friends]
ME: [loudly] IF you want to give me your number so we can hook up some other time, just come back here some time.
HER: [walks back]

+++

HER: [walks through the door, looks at the dance-floor, looks sad/pissed]
ME: Now what?
HER: We just wanna dance, but the dance-floor’s empty!
ME: I’m pretty sure that you can get some guys out there with you.
HER: Let’s dance!
ME: Not now. I’m waiting!
HER: For what?
ME: For you to dance and get hot inside beause you will be fantasizing about me.
HER: [Smiles. Dances. Looks over now and then]

Some drunk fool approaches her on the dance-floor, she sends me the “save me eyes.” I send her back the “Loser” signal, smile and sip my beer. After a few minutes of her in agony I go out there and cut in front of the guy.

ME: You owe me.
HER: Yes I do.
ME: Brunch [I pull out my phone]
HER: OK [enters her phone number]

+++

A girl sits alone by a bar as she is approached by some random guy. I notice a lot of non-verbal IOD’s (indicators of dis-interest). The guy eventually gets it and leaves. Shortly after this, the girl stands up and starts walking from her end of the bar towards the dance-floor where I am sitting. I reach out my hand.

ME: Stop!
HER: …
ME: I just have to tell you… I have seen lots of girls reject the advances of lots of guys, and I have to pay you a compliment. You were exceptionally nice to that guy just now, even though it was clear from a mile away that you wanted him to leave. He’s having a good night because you have a great heart.
HER: [DDB (doggy dinner bowl look in her eyes)]
ME: [I get up, take her hand, and lead her towards the dance-floor] You deserve a great experience.

+++

ME: I know this may seem weird.
HER: Eeeeehm… what?
ME: That I’m just stopping right here, right in my tracks. I have a question.
HER: … OK?
ME: It’s OK if you don’t want to answer. It’s kind of personal.
HER: Tell me?
ME: Well, actually I feel kind of stupid in asking such a deep question to a girl I’m only just getting to know.
HER: No no, it’s alright. What is it?
ME: Do you like pasta?

+++

ME: Wow, you’re so sexy I just want to… Oh my God, where are my manners? HI!
HER: Ehm, hi.
ME: I need your help.
HER: For what???
ME: Well, I don’t know WHY… But YOU are the one that’s going to help me.
HER: With what???
ME: I forgot how to tie my shoe-laces [pointing down]
HER: Oh my God, that’s lame! [looks annoyed]
ME: Hey, just tell me if you don’t remember either! Seriously. OK, I’ll give you a beer if you teach me.
HER: [my foot goes on her lap, she ties my shoe-laces]

+++

ME: Grrrrrrrrrraaaaauuuwwww
HER: Hi, - are you out alone?
ME: Oh my GOD, what kind of stupid question is that. Do you have a hard time making contact with people?
HER: Jezzz, you have a bad mouth!
ME: Of course, that’s why I’m out all alone. You look cute when you try to act as if you’re insulted. [smile]
ME: I’m Anders. Where are your friends?
HER: I’m out alone.
ME: Not any more. But it’s going to cost you a beer and 500 money’s worth. - Or a smile.
HER: [smile]

+++

ME: Hey pussycat
HER: Meeeeaaaaauww.
ME: Pussycats don’t say that. They go flap flap flap flap [pussy-like sounds]
HER: [blushing] You’re a pervert!
ME: Yeah, you taught me.
HER: What?
ME: Confusion is sexy. Who are you behind your confusion pussycat?

One of the key observations made about my style as a pickup artist (PUA), or my PUA tactics if you will, when it comes to approaching women is that I do not approach very often. In fact, when I was made aware of this observation, I realized that I hardly ever approach at all. On the contrary: I have a huge tendency to run proximity game strategies.

“Proximity-gobbledygook-dedoo??” you might choose to say here.

What is “Proximity game?”

Proximity game is a term used when you only game those that are in your immediate proximity, once you have established a stronghold, a camp, a base somewhere - I.E. at a bar, club or café. “Well, isn’t that what we normally do Anders?” 

Proximity game vs. Regular game characteristics

Yes. We have conversations with people that are in our immediate vicinity. Obviously, doh… One key difference with proximity game is that you do not seek out the conversation until the other parties have positioned themselves close to you. Another key differentiator between proximity game and regular PUA gung-ho approaching is that in having established your base and thereby territorial marking, your starting hand just grew in strength. As people are moving onto your territory (as opposed to the other style where you’re moving onto the turf of others), they effectively open themselves up to submitting to your rules.

In a regular PUA approach there are several dos and don’ts to allow for one to manipulate with the illusion of the power of territorial marking. We have social pressure tactics, we effectively search for opportunities to introduce break-states to allow us to lock-in, we work with shock and awe tactics and lots more. When running proximity game however, we basically have no need to do any of these things - we simply rely on the concept of social code of conduct that is derived from our basic instinct to respect territorial markings. At worst you will have to open once - once only. The rest of the time, you will merely be communicating rules of engagement inside your territory, under the established illusion that they are opening you.

Also, when used to full effect, proximity game plans become tools to generate lots of latent opportunities for later use. People enter our proximity, have a great conversatin, leave to join up with other people and smile at you once you decide to get on your feet and short-set for visible social proof or whatever it is you decide to do. 

How a proximity gamer works

Basically, all a proximity game plan looks like is the following:

1. Go to a place with mixed logistical possibilities, I.E. dance-floors with lounge area next to them, bars with separate smoking areas, anywhere with a lounge area is great.
2. Head towards the lounge area. (Or, the bar… I love doing this at the bar - but that’s a variant that deserves a separate description)
3. Short-setting and all other approaching in general is optional. I repeat: You do NOT need to open ANYONE as you head for the lounge area. It is optional, and the intent should you choose to open, is to get the person(s) to sit down in the lounge area with you.
4. Once at the lounge area, pick a great spot for yourself. Standard, regular old-school pickup-rules apply here: Preferred seation options are to sit in a position that allows you to overlook the bar, entrance, dance-floor and toilet entrances - or as many of these options as possible. If only one of these options is possible from any given position, I prefer having an overview of what’s going on at the bar - unless it’s a venue with sound that encourages girls to get freaky on the dance-floor… At any given lounge area you will easily find places to sit. If it’s packed, just ask someone to move over a seat so you can sit down and get your breath for 2 minutes. Notice, that’s not an opener in and of itself. It is however, a way of respecting other people’s intimate sphere. OK ok, there’s a time-constraint in there. Call me sneaky then!
5. Don’t sit around looking like a loser, use your one (1) opener with the guy or girl sitting next to you. Be cool, casual, non-pickup like. You know, be the cool you.
6. Whenever someone comes up to your area of the lounge and asks “is this seat available” or “may we sit here” (respecting territorial markings) or whatever along those lines, say “sure” and clearly state the rules of your territory. “Sure, you’re more than welcome to sit here, and I’d appreciate that you respect that at this table we have decided that we only want to sit with sociable people.So, when you decide to sit down, you need to know that it is the law that everyone has the obligation to get to know everyone else at the table.” In this sample wording, I am not being a jerk in setting up the frame. I am merely stating the law in a polite manner. If they sit down you are perfectly right in your next action - which is to start conversation. In sitting down, THEY opened up to that course of action. The “how to say” of this is: Smile and use a firm tone of voice.
7. If they sit down and decline to talk, simply flip the script on them and apply social pressure tactics. Call them out for being rude and impolite. Invite others at the table to share their oppinion on people that go against their word - and against the rules of the table. Oh, and use smiling consciously here, otherwise you might get a smack across the face. That being said, I have asked several people to leave “my” table as I am reserving the seats for friends or people that are actually out because they care about meeting interesting people. It’s all about frame control. I have yet to fail in getting a conversation going or getting the newcomers to leave again; I don’t care about being harsh to people that do not respect “the rules.”
8. Make sure to reward people for respecting “the rules” - comment on the cool part about their decision by telling them that you value them for being open-minded, sociable people that are apparently here for the same reasons as you are: To meet new people and have fun. You can even go as far as talking about the last people you had to “throw off the reservation,” to underline your point (the rules). Remember: Don’t be a dickhead, be cool and casual about it. 
9. Normal, laid-back gaming style. Focus on building rapport, apply touch (KINO), multi-task between conversational partners and escalate when ready - or break rapport and switch conversation partner if you run out of creativity. You switch partners and break rapport to let them know the conversation is over for now and eventually they will leave (remember to thank them for a great time as they leave) - But, the conversation never ran out, and you can always search them out sometime later in the evening.   
10. Other people walk up to your area, and you repeat the process. 

Basically, the only time I bother to get up from my seat is when I need to go to tend to the private stuff, to refill my glass at the bar or to re-open the girl I found most interesting. But hey, that’s just me. 

Imagine how many places you can get this strategy to work towards your benefit.

2008 was the year of “It’s not important what you say when you approach…” and a lot of guys out there have since communicated that they were fed up by these remarks. One could wonder why these guys are fed up with this phrase? Is it because they swear by canned openers? Is it because the phrase itself is not explained in detail? 

In truth, it may be due to both factors, and it may be due to none of them.

The seduction community has taken a turn towards natural game, natural pickup, being a PUA that has no need for canned routines, … and rigtfully so. I for one know that it is NOT important what you say - on our workshops, it’s the first thing guys get to experience through their own actions. We actually assign various keywords they must use in their opening sentence to our participants with less than 3 seconds notice.

Rather than just explaining it in this blog article - let me try and explain it on video: