Powerful Connections

A reader asked me why the field reports on this site generally end without me closing the deal 100 % - there has been one exception in a field report was written by Martin one of our coaches at Powerful Attraction.

Actually, NOT posting about SNL’s (same night lays) ONS’s (one night stands) and STR’s (short-term relationships) has been a conscious choice of mine for quite some time. The reason behind the choice is quite simple - it relates to some of my key priciples in being a pickup coach.

When writing up field reports, I have two main concerns; one is PUA driven, the other is moral and motivation driven. The PUA driven side is mainly an expression of my desire to post-analyze what went down and to share my learning with you. And then again, there is a deeper meaning to it:

The good pickup artist (PUA) knows that in escalating a relationship with any woman to the point of a relationship (in PUA terms everything before the point of intercourse is defined as no relationship), he will often have to walk the woman through her anti slut defense (ASD). Good PUA’s know that women love sex and one of the key elements standing between you and sex is your ability to convey to the woman that sleeping with you will not imply her being a slut; cheap, or easy if you will. So, for sex to happen, among other things you have to provide her a way to not seem like a slut, simple as that.

What is ASD? 

Women will build guilt by having sex too quickly with a man, which is something that society would often call “slutty behavior.” Assuming she has enough time to think about the consequences - ASD is a reaction causing her to come up with reasons that she shouldn’t have sex with you in order to relieve her of taking responsibility for doing what she really wants to do. If left undealt with, the ASD will lead to last minute resistance (LMR) in bed, which in turn leads to no sex or, later on, to a girl flaking on you by suddenly being unable to meet (with little or no warning), or not taking your calls. 

How to deal with ASD

Handling the ASD response is one of the most central issues for a PUA. ASD is the reason we isolate her from the pack before escalating. ASD is the reason we do verbal take-aways after delivering our statement of (sexual) intent. If you ask me, ASD is the driving mechanism behind 70 % of the accumulated PUA material out there today. That’s how important this topic is.

What you really need to do to deal with the ASD is create a sense of certainty in her mind. At some point during the interaction your conversation will inevitably turn to sex and at that point she needs to know that you are experienced, yet not the bragging type. In other words, she needs to know that you know and can provide what she wants and you don’t kiss and tell. 

Heck, I once knew a girl that would only have sex with married men because: “Who the hell are they going to tell without risking a divorce!”

In this day and age, everybody reads everything on the internet - hell, my mom is probably reading this blog post, too! (hi mom!). I’m pretty sure that many of the girls I date read these blog posts, and I do not want to expose any of them. (Oh, if you thought we were exclusive: you never got that idea from me!) 

So, back to the “how” in this: Provide a safety net for the girl by isolating her from her friends. At some point, stress that you understand her for not showing who she REALLY wants to be around men when her friends are close by. Whenever she backs down in escalation, I strongly suggest that you acknowledge her socially driven response with words like “You are right, we shouldn’t be doing this…”  and then ASSUME FULL RESPONSIBILTY by saying stuff like: “you’re just too damn hot, I can’t help it…” True masters proceed with a true talent for acting it out, … “But no.. you’re right… so, as I was saying…” and then talk as if nothing had happened while escalating non-verbally. 

No-sex FR’s from a moral perspective

In terms of motivation and learning I have always found stories with unhappy endings to be the ones that inspired me the most. Sure, I’ve written many lay reports earlier in my life, all high on the adrenaline that can only be achieved through the feeling of having accomplished a desired outcome. Actually, I’m writing a (free) e-book with some of the best stories from my PUA life, most of these end up in a “relationship.”

I’ll tell you more about that project when the time comes - for now, let me get to the second point of the subject at hand:

Ever since the seduction community exploded in active participants and curious followers we have seen a similar growth in focus on externally validated results. 2007 and most of 2008 was all about who could hook up with most girls in a year; who was fastest from approach to sex, who could do the fastest makeout after initial eye-contact. I’m not judging anyone. In fact, I used to live that very same way. What dawned on me along the way was: Living your life as a slave of external validation has nothing to do with giving value to the girls you meet. It has absolutely nothing to do with achieving personal growth. 

I believe that we learn faster by analyzing how things didn’t play out as planned, and I believe that there is no real achievement in boasting about successful external results. This blog is all about conveying the importance of being congruent with your core traits and sticking to your inner values, while at the same time respecting women and adding value to their lives. 

I hope you can read the above moral standpoint between the lines of all present and future field reports found on this blog.

You are more than welcome to leave a comment or share this article using the share button below before you go out there and choose to make this day a great one!

You must measure yourself on your ability to act, and evaluate the results of your actions independently of your potential. 

Consequence: Consciously reframe externally referenced goals into internally referenced goals, and enjoy the power of acting.

You must seek to establish a frame of positive communication and thereby open a window of opportunity, and it is your ability to act on your nature and communicate freely that drives open that window. 

Consequence: Approach people and say whatever positive thought or observation comes to mind!

You must enforce a frame of sensual communication immediately upon identifying that you are attracted to someone, thereby widening the window of opportunity. 

Consequence: Touch people physically from the first second you internally acknowledge your interest in or attraction to them. This includes guys!

You must communicate in terms of emotions and values in order to create genuine and long-lasting connections, thereby widening the window of opportunity. 

Consequence: Help your counter-part bring forward what they value and the emotions associated with these values, and tell them how you feel about it.

You must follow through on the communication that you are sending out through the frame of sensual communication, in order to make the window of opportunity stay open. 

Consequence: Be brave, and walk the talk of principle #2. Always reward positive behavior of your counter-part with (verbal or physical) escalation.

You must respect the counter-part in the positive and sensual communication frames, and move forward together in the pace within these frames, thereby ensuring that one of you can move through the window of opportunity.

Consequence: Communicate with ambiguity so that the counter-part can decide to move through the frame. Close the deal when it is natural to both of you.

(Field report from our coach Martin a.k.a. HappyTalk)

Last Saturday I was at a friend’s birthday party. I was dressed in an incredible stylish Santa costume, drinking a ton of vodka. Shortly after my arrival I pass out from drinking too much too fast and I wake up again at 4:45 AM thinking “FUCK! I missed the whole thing!!” - Kids, do NOT drink!!! You will go CRAZY!!!

The positive thing about waking up at 4:45 AM: I was almost sober again, so we go to the nearest bar which has about 100 people inside. I open one (1) group of people, … the hottest girl I could see, standing with a friend by the dance floor. Being the PUA that I am, I drag her out there and instantly start applying KINO, gently pushing her up against the nearby walls, so we can stand really close together and build up an intimate atmosphere. Santa gets away with everything!

Something I do a lot is to move their hands to the position where I would like to have them, in doing this I actually escalate on their behalf. This could be around my hips, or I move them so they hold around my head - especially when I sense it’s time for the makeout. Or, I simply move one of her legs around me so she can hold me tight. She’s in control all of the way and I lead, it makes perfect sense!

When we are done dancing I grab two chairs, one for my girl and one for me, effectively holding the initiative and locking myself in with her. The friend is already seated at this point, so I befriend her and have fun with them until the friend sub-communicates that she’s cool with me being there with them. I am thinking “Go - I’m in” now, and quickly go for the makeout just before the place closes for the night.

The three of us leave the place and guys left and right are moving in on my target, desperately trying to secure SOMETHING before facing that they will have to go home alone. I use the situation to my advantage and quickly move to isolate my girl around a corner and we have another tongue-down. We then head to my place to do the natural things that grown-ups do together when they’re all alone.

All in all, it took me 60 minutes of escalation fun with a really nice and goodlooking girl from the second I approached until we reached the point where the bedtime stories began.

After she had left, I burst into laughter… “My room is full of condom casings that are ripped open. Christmas is here. Nice.”