So many people walk around in search for their soul-mate, and so many people find themselves settling for less. You might have a general idea about what your soul-mate is like, sure… but have you done yourself the favor to really explore what kind of relationship you want? Let’s talk about value qualification!
First off, let’s clarify traditional qualification as it plays out in my understanding:
The Qualification Principle
Assign a certain trait to a girl that is less desirable (disqualifier, with the intent of getting her to qualify against the assigned trait. I.E. “Too bad you’re not open towards meeting new people when you go out.”
Provided you are in rapport and the girl is marginally attracted to you, she will respond with proof that she is open towards meeting new people. Yes, that means YOU.
Qualifying and disqualifying are great ways to achieve rewarding, fun-centric conversations. In traditional pickup literature however, it is often overlooked as the incredibly powerful connection tool it is.
Using qualifiers to establish connection
Let me share an example of one of my relationship values, and how I’d use it in a conversation:
“What is the best way you have ever shown a guy that you valued his independence in your relationship?”
As soon as she responds to your question, she is accepting that she feels strongly towards independence in a relationship, and she is now offering proof towards that acceptance.
You will definitely want to use very big words – values that are abstract, such as “independence.” – Here’s why: If we are faced with the choice between right (offering independence) and wrong (smothering your partner), our social filters guide us towards doing what is “right.” Who wants to openly acknowledge that she values sitting at home with you 7 nights a week? She might secretly value sitting at home 7 nights a week, … now and then a girl will actually tell me straight up. In that case, leave, unless you want something… other than a relationship… That’s quite alright, as long as you are honest about it when the time comes.
Her translation of the word “independence” will tell you a lot about her world, her past, values and beliefs, demands in a relationship, and her hopes for the future. There’s a ton of possible conversational threads to revert to later on.
Here’s another one:
“Do you consider yourself to be honest deep down inside?”
Most people will reply with a sound “yes!” – some will smile that dirty little smile and say “… hehe, no!” – No matter the reply, you can be absolutely certain that she just offered to qualify towards your basic values. Go with either side of the force, Luke! A: “Really? If someone dropped their wallet and you picked it up only to find $ 1.000, what would you do?” or B: “When it is OK to lie?”
Communicating value in the qualification process
No matter the chosen path, you can offer further disqualifiers to her reply. You can be dead serious, or you can be casually cocky; whatever suits your personal communication style, it is all good, as long as you justify the qualifier. It’s time to open up and let her know WHY you asked. After all, we want to establish groundbreaking value-based connections, don’t we? Here’s how I might choose to respond:
“That’s interesting… I really value girls that are highly self-motivated and know how to fill their lives with activities of their own when I’m not around,”
- could be a statement I would offer. Seems simple, right? Well, …
Here are the choices behind the words:
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I let her know her statement is “interesting,” and I compliment “girls” – not her – on certain traits. What a sly little conversational technique to signal my requirements in terms of behavior while sub-communicating that she MIGHT be in good shape. Notice: I do NOT tell her if she meets my requirements or not.
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I let her know what kind of behavior is to be expected of me, by stating I won’t be around 24/7/365.
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I do NOT compose a question, as this would be an obvious screening. If I ask for compliance, she will know I am chasing, and I don’t want that to happen. Instead of asking any further, I recommend that you keep your mouth shut until she says something, no matter what it is. Trust me, she will.
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My statement is sufficiently vague and offers her a way to qualify, WITHOUT me having disqualified her up front. I want to be vague and let her grab the initiative, which will be a clear indicator of her interest. And again, trust me, … she WILL grab the initiative.
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I set myself up to continue with another value statement further down the road, either by communicating value in terms of pre-selection, social circle leadership, things that excite me, or further standards.
Applying your knowledge
As you head into the real world and apply this knowledge, remember the driving force behind it: Some guys get lucky; they are selected by girls on a whim, and what’s worse: they brag about it – Other guys know that to get the women they truly want, they need to be the selectors!
The first step? Define the frames of your ideal relationship and which personality features would be benefical towards building that frame. Why wait - the best time to do things is always: Now!
It’s going to be a great day for all those wonderful women out there that deserve to meet you as soon as possible!
