Powerful Connections

Last month I found myself in Portugal doing a mini-version of our PowerBOOST! workshop for a team of professional coaches. The point was of course to help them understand how the team at Powerful Attraction applies NeuroStrategies combined with Social Dynamics to achieve personal and social success in no time.

Incidently, if you have not been to Portugal before, I can only tell you that you have been missing out on a great experience. I loved the way the sun burned through the clouds that swept in from the Atlantic Ocean. Every morning I would wake up, look out of the window and know that this day would turn out great. The sun would win, the clouds would evaporate, and the waves would keep pounding the shores. Yep, to me, Portugal represents total tranquility.

 Street, Club or Party?

A thing that really got me thinking were the cultural differences between Denmark and Portugal when it comes to going out to hook up with strangers.  Especially the differences in terms of social pre-selection got me thinking. You see, in Denmark - and pretty much any other Western country I have visited - there is a big difference compared to Portugal when it comes to how or where we meet other people.

When doing a power speak, seminar or workshop I always ask the participants to estimate in percentage how many of their friends have met their current or last partner / lover

1. On the street or in a supermarket
2. At a bar or night-club
3. At a social circle event (work or private parties)

In most cases, the split is typically 10-35-55.

The Portuguese Off-set

In Portugal, a totally different picture emerged: 0-20-80 (with a clear emphasis on WORK as a setting). On top of that, the people there told me that it is pretty close to unacceptable for a Portuguese woman to be the one that initiates contact with a guy.

Well, I took that as a challenge and as we went out to the Portuguese night-life I worked with one of the women in the group. A couple of hours later she had been talking with several different guys, she even took down a phone number, and she had a look in her eyes I know all too well from my many previous workshops: She was full of enthusiasm and belief in her ability to change her situation!

So, it would seem that the above mentioned split and the local Portuguese belief about how women are supposed to act is something that can easily change.

Why We Act Differently in Each Setting

My reason for splitting the first encounter into the three categories mentioned above is simple. It relates to two things: The concept of Social Pre-Selection and, of course, our focus.

1.  The street / Supermarket: None of us normally walk down a street or into a supermarket expecting to meet the prince(ss) on the white horse. We are focused on the task at hand; getting from A to B or picking up some groceries for dinner. Also, if someone approaches us in this situation, we have no way of knowing what kind of person we meet. Actually, roughly half of us believe that a stranger approaching us on the street has malicious intent. There is no means for us to gage for social pre-approval: The stranger might be a psycho. We don’t know, because we don’t know anyone that knows him or her. In this setting a pickup artist greatly relies on his skill to build instant rapport and establish trust. I once had a client that approached a lone wolf from out of town on the street at night. In 15 minutes he had her phone number, they made out and she invited him back to her hotel room.
2. The bar / nightclub: Most of us go to bars and nightclubs to “see what will happen.” We put on our social game face and yet, we will most likely stick to our group of friends as these are all pre-approved. Everyone at a nightclub has been screened by a bouncer and/or a picker, so we jump to an assumption that everyone at the venue fits with a minimum set of social approval criterias. As a result, we do not immediately reject advances from outsiders but we will take measures to screen them for congruency and character flaws. The better PUA’s will typically rely on techniques to spike a girl’s buying temperature I.E. push/pull techniques, role-playing or - for some - going caveman. Back in my caveman days I went from initial eye-contact to a full-scale makeout in 7 seconds!
3. Social circle events: Our focus at a private or corporate party is normally to have fun with our closest friends and co-workers and to establish new connections. At corporate events we assume that everyone is cool to some extent, as they are already a part of our pack. The same goes for private parties, no matter the size: Everyone there knows someone that knows someone that knows me - or the host - meaning: Everyone there is socially pre-selected. Our guards are much lower than on the street or the supermarket, simply because we have an illusion that we share certain values with everyone present. The better PUA’s know this and notes who knows whoelse and how, so he can position himself as the alpha male, have fun and choose the most interesting girl(s) for the evening.

Back to the Portuguese… My trip there was great and I really enjoyed the hospitality of my hosts. As a result of my stay they have decided to announce seminars and workshops in October. It’s going to be a blast.

The sun is burning through the clouds, and it’s a beautiful experience to listen to the roar of the Atlantic Ocean as you chew your way through a good book, … and as you visit Portugal, remember to be as social as absolutely possible.