Powerful Connections

After our first night of a live event, Martin - our pick up coach for Aarhus - and I went out. Actually, we just went to get a beer at one of the bars in the nearby area so we could talk about our observations and plan a strategy for the next day. As usual, Martin was in a cool and calm state, almost obsessed with searching out people to interact with.

Martin led us through the bar, and before I knew it, we were talking with two cute blonde girls by a pool-table.

He had approached with a smile, locked in, and taken the hand of the cuter girl of the two in less than 5 seconds. I was just standing behind him, not even aware of the situation, as I was still thinking about the observations I had made during the evening. All the sudden he gave me the hand of the girl, and I moved in for a lot of fun.

However, it suddenly hit me. I felt one-it-is, the most dreaded disease in the seduction community. It crept in on me as I was standing there, talking with this smiling girl in a black party dress. Sure, she was having fun with the two of us taking turns to impersonate a poor palm-reader for some odd reason. The palm-reading was her idea to rationalize our holding hands, and it just carried from there. I was smiling, and I wasn’t at all mentally present. It quickly ebbed out after that.

One-it-is. When the girl you were with or are trying to be with is the person through which you filter the world. When you put a tasty apple into your mouth, only to notice that it turns to dust in your mouth, leaving you forever famished.

So, how does a pick up artist with going on 10 years of intensive experience with seduction and even quite extensive knowledge about relationship building get infected with that?

Well that’s just it –it’s a matter of choice. At some point I chose to build a part of my identity around my relationship. People that know me well will tell you that I take on far too much hardship and put faith in other people’s willingness to change that I fail to recognize when it’s time to walk away. This night, I realized what it would mean for me in the future if I kept reverting to my old dead-end beliefs about the external source of the infection.

The key question to ask yourself is: Do you really love who you are with, or do you love the memory of your best time together with that person. Sure, something inside you will convince you that these are equal, and you can rebuild for the future. It is hard to let go. It is hard to realize that nothing that great lasts forever, and to accept that you are beyond the point of no return.

To me, the question I keep asking myself now is: If you had just met her and the situation was like it is now, would you have invested the same amount of emotions that you do now?

So, Martin and I went to the next room and yet again he led the way by instantly chatting up two guys, and then bouncing off to a couple. I sat down in a remote corner, all alone, thinking about stuff and just enjoyed to watch him work the room.

After 2 minutes he needed my help. He had befriended the guy but, he wouldn’t go down without a fight. So, the guy kept touching the girl whenever Martin got too much of her verbal attention. I went in there, introduced myself and struck up conversation with Martin’s rival so he was occupied with me, not with her. With the guy off her back, Martin was free to build a connection without disturbance, and as I noticed that he was good, I decided to head for my car and the one-hour drive home.

The next day, Martin showed up with a phone number and a date with that same girl. I showed up with the answer to the last question in this blog post…

“Nobody’s perfect.”