A Deed of Chivalry

Posted by anderstryka On October - 26 - 2009

Even though I had a fever, I went out of the door to feel the rain on my skin. It was pouring down. I had no idea where I was going. I decided that I would go in a general direction that was different from the one I chose the day before.

My heart began to race as the rain poured down on me. Such greatness lies in feeling uncertain that I cannot sit still. I had to move. I had to walk. How could I escape my own shadow, were it not for the darkness? I almost felt the urge to run.

knight Things are not the way I want them to be, and in such instances I have only 3 choices:

I can accept my situation and embrace it; I can seek to change it, or I can leave it all behind.

The thick raindrops grew stronger, and felt heavier with each stride. All the sudden I felt doubtful like never before. Was it only raindrops, or were there some tears mixed in with them as well?

I have learned that my greatest enemy is pride. My pride, and the pride of other people. Pride is what we pull out when we justify a decision that we have made, even though we have already realized, at some point of consciousness, that the decision is dead wrong. You know what kind of pride I’m talking about here, right?

Thomas Jefferson once said that an injured friend will grow into the bitterest of foes. I have come to the understanding that one of my friends is injured. I have offered what I perceived the best form of remedy. My friend was injured due to my bad judgement. It came to my attention that not was all well, like my friend had told me. I was sad, then angry that my friend would not tell me this directly to my face.

As I thought it through, anger turned to disappointment. Not about my friend’s words, but about the fact that my friend would not even contribute me even the most basic amount of goodness and say things to my face. And then, sadness kicked in once again.

All things happen for a reason. The raindrop told me that as it hit my face.

I do not know what the future will bring, and I cannot live in the past. Worries are all about fear of something that has not yet happened or about something in the past that we cannot change anyway. We need to live in the moment, don’t we?

These rainy thoughts of mine were sparked by a course of action that hurt another person’s feelings, and I cannot explain how I came up with that choice. The rain couldn’t either.

The term “chivalry” is derived from the French word “cheval” - In English: Horse. And yet, I so desperately want to be a knight in shining armour. How funny is that?

I know that the world I live in is a direct result of the choices I make. I also believe that I am capable of learning through feedback given to me based on these choices, and I believe with all my heart that everyone deserves the chance to prove that they can learn.

But the raindrops didn’t agree with me.

In some relationships, you only get one shot. To some, it’s not an option to provide a second chance. Many of us miss out on a great deal as we seek to protect ourselves from being hurt. I should know - I have lived my life like this for way too long. I have been proud. I have been hurt, and I have inflicted hurt upon others.

In other words: I have lived.

Ironic isn’t it? In life, we choose pain to avoid feeling hurt.

And so, I thought about changing my situation. To be chivalrous. To proclaim my undying devotion through all sorts of heroic deeds. My mind came up blank.

The raindrops didn’t help me.

As I stood there, drenched in water, I found myself in a position where I could actually have done something of great valor. And so, I chose to do the most chivalrous deed I could think of. I felt proud as I helped an old lady cross the street in the rain, before fighting my way back home.