Powerful Connections

”What kind of day will I choose this day to be?” I remember this question, and I know that you will understand why I bring it up at this time. My belief is that you have a choice every day as you open your eyes for the first time that day. Each person in this world is his or her own reality, right?

I remember back in December when I was about to go on Christmas holiday. I was looking on my calendar for January, and to my great disappointment I realized that I had no customers lined up. Imagine that – no customers, no value to add anywhere, no money. 3 days before the year closes, and nothing signed for the months to come. Imagine if you were in my shoes… How would you feel and – more importantly -what would you do?

On the brink of giving up, standing at the edge of the cliff with the gun to my head, I got the call: A customer asked me to come back for January and onwards. All of the sudden, my frustration turned to justification. With just ONE call – everything turned around inside of me.

Ten minutes later I got a call from another customer, and now I was emphatic!!

One call was all I needed to remember how much value is in my life – and now, every time I start doubting my skills or ability to provide value in the lives of other people I simply turn back to remember the day I got that call, and the calls after that call.

Of course, the call in and of itself was without meaning compared to the fact that I choose what to make of each day as I wake up. What really awakened me was when I was talking with a friend of mine about him recently losing his job. How does one move on from that? I mean, it’s not like the job opportunities are plentiful in this global over-consumption crisis we find ourselves in. At one point, when I sensed that his frustration was on maximum level, I asked him: “So, … What are you fighting for?”

My friend paused and thought through the question for some time. ”Well,” he said ”I guess I am fighting for my pride. I fight to prove that I can triumph in the face of adversity. I fight to know that as long as I fight I have a place in the world. I fight because – If I don’t fight, my family will suffer. If I don’t fight, all my previous fighting will have no value to the world.”

The 300 Spartans

His reply echoed deep inside of me and reminded me of what I too am fighting for. And that’s when I came to think about the story of King Leonidas of Sparta and his famous 300.

In 480 B.C. the Persian empire ruled most of the known world and they were expanding their campaign to include the Greek city states. Sparta, a Greek city state famed for their ability to produce the finest warriors in the world, was one of those states.

Upon learning that a massive Persian army counting 10’s of thousands of soldiers was about to invade Greece, the Spartan king Leonidas consulted with an oracle that told him: ”Either Sparta will fall or their King will die.”

Raised in the ways of the warrior Leonidas chose the latter and assembled 300 of his finest soldiers to face the Persians at a mountain pass called Thermopylae - the ”Hot Gates.” 300 of the finest warriors, all trained from birth to master the skill of fighting as one single homogenous unit, against a massive army more than one hundred times stronger in numbers. All they had going for them was the support of a few allies from other cities and a mountain pass that would allow them a tactical avantage; their enemy could only attack them in smaller numbers in each wave.

Above all, what really made the Spartans superior fighters was their ability to trust that the soldier next to him knew exactly what to do in times of heated battle and that every one would make a a strong link in the chain. Every last soldier had superb skill and attitude.

Imagine if you were part of a group of warriors like that every day, … your family, your team, or maybe even your company as a whole – if you are, you know how awesome it feels to be winning against all odds.

Unfortunately for Leonidas and his troops, a traitor led the Persians around the pass and on the third day of the battle, the Spartans faced the full force of their enemy, including the feared ”Immortals,” a 10.000 strong unit of Persian elite troops.

Still, the Spartans fought with every breath, and eventually eradicated the ”Immortals,” holding back the Persian army long enough for the Greek allies to escape and give word to the rest of the Greek states.

It is said that Xerxes, the ruler of Persia, now tedious from the battle, offered Leonidas all the riches in the world and a title as Persia’s most powerful General if he would but surrender. Leonidas, now only with 50 or so men left, refused a surrender. He would rather die as his oracle had foreseen he would, so that his 300 brave had not fought in vain. And so, after killing off the remaining 50 men, Xerxes had the body of Leonidas beheaded.

However, the prophecy of the Orcle would come true. Through the brave acts of the 300 Spartans, the Greek cities would find inspiration to unite under Spartan rule on the battlefield and succeeded in fighting back Xerxes and his armies, liberating many of their kind from Persian rule in the years to come.

I can’t help but wonder what Leonidas was thinking as he went into battle. He knew that he was fighting for his people. He was fighting for everything he held dear back home. He knew that if he didn’t fight, his culture, and everything he valued in it, would fall. He knew, and every one of his 300 men knew. They chose to believe in their training and their desired outcome and lost many of their friends – even so, they kept going. They knew they were fighting for something greater than their existance.

If you are in a tough spot it is my hope that you remember that few can beat many. I hope that you too believe that you are fighting for a reason. I hope that the person sitting next to you is one you can trust with your life. And above all, I wish for you that you will remember what it is that you are fighting for – every day as you get out of bed.

Listen to your heart

Back to my friend from earlier… As we kept talking for a while and my friend said something very wise; something that I keep thinking about every day.

He said: ”You know, sitting here, knowing that I have to write more than 500 job applications just to be somewhat close to getting a new job, I wish I had realized what I was fighting for before it was too late to avoid this situation. But still, now that I know what I’m fighting for, I am happy! When you overcome adversity, you will know that you are growing stronger.”

I’m curious about what you are going to fight for and how you will choose to believe you can win, even when the times are darker than you had ever feared.

What’s it gonna be? 

Maybe you recognize this situation: You were sitting at a bar or walking down the street, and you saw a gorgeous girl walking close by. You probably thought something like “wow, she’s hot, I wish I could talk to her,” and as she walked by you, as the moment of opportunity had vanished forever, you probably kicked into a new pattern of thought like: “Why didn’t I just… DAYUM, she was hot!”

Perhaps you proceeded with “I know exactly what I… Oh my God, that would have been SO cool.”

Now, even though you already know the right thing to do the next time an amazingly beautiful woman walks by, you say nothing - just like before. Since this pattern doesn’t make sense, you now start to rationalize your behavior:  “I’m out of her league, so I might as well just spare myself the embarrassment.” You may have blamed the choice on the clothes you were wearing, or the fact that you had eaten a ton of garlic the day before, who knows what that was for you..?

Don’t worry. You are not alone. In fact, lots of GREAT pick up artists out there run the same strategy with the women they think are super hot, too. They are going MENTAL trying to figure out the right approach – until the moment is gone.

Many of us easily go through our entire lives settling for less than we really, truly desire. Under false assumptions, I might add. We believe in measuring in terms of external success or failure… And failure HURTS! So we come up with excuses to explain our decision not to act.

But, what is success, anyway?

fact of the matter is that in successfully meeting and attracting women, few presuppositions exist. As a member of the PUA community since 1999 and through my experiences as a certified coach and master of NLP, I have learned this: Pick-up and attraction models don’t work because they are the hidden code or super stealthy communication methods. They all work because… YOU believe they work.

Let us rationalize over this for a second. If we are 7 billion people on the face of the planet, and every person is infinitely complex then, assuming one cannot seduce one self, is it at all possible that the number of pick up models out there equals (7 billion x 7 billion) – 7 billion. That being the case, how do YOU know that you are practicing THE model above them all? The answer is simple: It has worked for you or someone else once or more, so now you believe you are armed with the right ammo!

No matter what model you follow, one of the most important presuppositions of being successful with women is to open the conversation every time you see an attractive girl. Some guru’s will have you use opinion openers, others will ask that you state your sexual desires, and some will tell you to talk about fruit as if  you were having sex with it, and then there are those that will tell you that you have to immediately say something that lowers a hot girl’s value. Confused? The most common excuse I hear from newcomers is: “I don’t know what to say!”

In reality, what you say is not as important as what you believe. The odds are constantly in your favor, as long as you take a crack at it!

The verbal opener doesn’t matter at all: The very instant we initiate conversation with another person or group we induce a break-state and open a physical and mental vacuum in the process. As you step into that vacuum and change the subject and the group dynamics, it’s NATURAL, and what’s more… It displays tremendous confidence and VALUE. Instead of being afraid that the value you bring to the table is not enough, … how about assuming that you display undeniable value through initiating a no bullshit, light-hearted conversation? In her mind, it’s in dire contrast to the 20 guys that walked up and asked her for a light, I can tell you that much.

A key point for me to make here: If you measure your success on how many phone numbers you get per night, you are – no matter how you twist and turn it – depending on other people’s choices to determine whether or not you achieve your success criteria. If you measure how many times you hand a girl your phone, you alone determine how much you will over-perform.

Knowing this, you can approach and open with ANYTHING that comes to your mind. If it’s a compliment, fine! If it’s in Latin, fine! You can even say NOTHING and still open JUST FINE! If the girl tells you to fuck yourself, fine! Your goal was to approach and get to know if she was a person that you could bless, and you will have a great time analyzing the meaning of the feedback and how you can adapt instantly by asking her friends: “Is she always this rude?”

I dare you to go Bar X tonight, walk up to a woman and ask her for directions for Bar X, and then sit down beside her and reward her with a compliment for kindly telling you.

At what pace do you think you will evolve your game, when you start applying this mindset with women or in any other aspect of your life? Now that you possess this wisdom, is it at all possible that you will just ask the next girl to stop, and then learn from what happens next?

You can read a lot more about these strategies and find some really powerful tools to attract and connect with women in my eBook “Powerful Game – Strategies of a Highly Successful Pick Up Artist” – or simply by frequently checking in with this blog.

You must measure yourself on your ability to act, and evaluate the results of your actions independently of your potential. 

Consequence: Consciously reframe externally referenced goals into internally referenced goals, and enjoy the power of acting.

You must seek to establish a frame of positive communication and thereby open a window of opportunity, and it is your ability to act on your nature and communicate freely that drives open that window. 

Consequence: Approach people and say whatever positive thought or observation comes to mind!

You must enforce a frame of sensual communication immediately upon identifying that you are attracted to someone, thereby widening the window of opportunity. 

Consequence: Touch people physically from the first second you internally acknowledge your interest in or attraction to them. This includes guys!

You must communicate in terms of emotions and values in order to create genuine and long-lasting connections, thereby widening the window of opportunity. 

Consequence: Help your counter-part bring forward what they value and the emotions associated with these values, and tell them how you feel about it.

You must follow through on the communication that you are sending out through the frame of sensual communication, in order to make the window of opportunity stay open. 

Consequence: Be brave, and walk the talk of principle #2. Always reward positive behavior of your counter-part with (verbal or physical) escalation.

You must respect the counter-part in the positive and sensual communication frames, and move forward together in the pace within these frames, thereby ensuring that one of you can move through the window of opportunity.

Consequence: Communicate with ambiguity so that the counter-part can decide to move through the frame. Close the deal when it is natural to both of you.