Here’s a good fuckup report for you.
Last weekend was a very long one, and i will restrict this field report to the absolute fuckup of the evening. After all, if I didn’t focus on the learning, it wouldn’t be a real field report now, would it? But first, the pre-script:
In the afternoon we had a PowerTALK! with about 30 participants and, even though I felt a bit tired, I pulled myself together and delivered a great speech to the guys - and girl. Martin a.k.a. HappyTalk and I both felt tired afterwards so we went to his place and powernapped (well, we tried to anyway) before going out.
After having been at a private party with mostly guys, we hit the bars. I still felt tired, and it took me some time working with my focus before I was ready to engage in conversation with unknown people. The first venue was mainly about the mojito and some shop talk. Martin grew increasingly impatient; he wanted to meet people, and he kept bugging me: “how does this shop talk really help us right now? how do you choose to be out of balance in terms of pickup right now?” and so on. I decided to get my head in gear as we headed for the next place. So what if I’m physically exhausted - the tongue still works.
We sat ourselves down at a table in the next place, and I noticed a cute girl: “STOP!” - I waved her over with my finger. Hop hop hop and she stood there. A quick compliment, she smiled and gave me a hug, and I told her I might look her up later. The PUA had arrived… Not too many people around, so we decided to find some place else.
Visiting the local gay bar for 1½ hour or so, me freaking Martin out every time I grabbed his ass (hahahaha) as he was getting a round of drinks. Did a few casual sets together, before we decided to head back to the other place. As we were getting our jackets, two girls asked us for directions to the place we were headed for. I chatted them up, and walked with them - Martin and our friend from Finland walking 10 paces ahead of us.
I liked one of these girls. Intelligent, pretty, fun-loving. We vibed on our way to the destination of choice, and when we got there we stood outside for a moment and had fun. We all went inside and we let them go somewhere and sit on their own. No need to be clingy.
After circling the place we split up and talked with different people. At some point I notice the girl from before sitting alone, big leather couch, and hey… Eye contact, I sit with her, we re-engage in whatever conversation we had going outside. Martin spots me as her friend is going back, there are no open places to sit, so he engages the friend for a minute, and sits her down at a different table.
My first thought was: “Thank you, very considerate of you.”
At this very second she has asked me “what do you do for a living?” and I respond: “I help people realize and achieve their full potential…” “-Oh, you’re a coach?” she said, and we start talking about how great it is to help people. Now, I have nothing to hide from women, so when she asked me “what kind of coaching do you do?” I responded: “All kinds of stuff… Sales, management, personal leadership, pickup…”
So, to my amazement she says: “Oh, really? I’ve read “The Game,” is that what you do?” … and we now start talking about the whole seduction society. Turns out that this girl checks in with the local Danish forum and generally feels that the guys she read about are shallow and, well, assholes, with no respect for women whatsoever. I declare myself in agreement for a big part of the community and make it a point to tell her that I am not one to judge all people, just beause some are dickheads. She’s not stupid this girl, and she makes a comment that she knows what we’re doing right now, she noticed Martin was “winging” the SECOND he stepped in to draw attention away from our little twosome. My thought from before now reframed a bit…
Up until this point I feel great about the whole thing. She understands me, I understand her, and we weave in between different topics, like travel, girls taking a piss standing up, dreams for the future, and lots more. She comments on the physical touches once: “I know you are using KINO now, …” as she smiles. Cool girl. I keep doing what I am doing.
At some point she comments on the logs on the Danish forum, and this is my one key learning experience. She tells me that she is apalled with some of the logbooks. Being in the whole “defend the good guys” mindset as opposed to “game the girl” mindset I mis-step massively.
“You know, I too keep track of my own personal development in a log on the Danish forum, and you haven’t seen it, because it’s hidden from public view.” What a stupid, STUPID remark?!? Mid-sentence I see massive calibration shifts. Trust all gone. Interest, attraction: SURE. But the trust went “poof!” into thin air. Even though I have preframed the whole situation with the presupposition that I am a good guy - because if I was not, she would have figured it all out by now, right? No trust.
I really sympathize with the clients I have that initially fear telling women about “game,” … In my mind I’m experienceing flashbacks to the time I told my last girlfriend about the community and showed her some websites. The frowning, the arrogance, the female display of absolute disgust of guys dropping to the lowest possible level of life to get laid (the ex said that).
Verbal takeaway, a little push/pull vibing, I notice another calibration shift for the better - before goofing a little again. As part of ”not gaming” I actually found myself defending “my community,” by telling something odd / off about myself. This one is really stupid, when you look at context: “I’ve been in a long-term relationship until recently. Our house is for sale. I really need to move out, so I feel mentally out of the relationship” (oh my GOD, you fucking PUSSY!)…
Well, no worries, I don’t see any major change in behavior, other than the fact that she completely freezes every motion in her body for a split second, and then smiles… we vibe some more. I decide to eject on a good note and be social for a while. After all, we’ve talked for 30 minutes or more. Walking away, I beat myself up for bringing up the log. After all, I haven’t posted a field report in it for years, it’s irrelevant communication at that point… I fell right into that one. BRAINSWIPE. I now talk with some guys near my Finnish friend, and some other people around the bar.
After some minutes I see the girls getting dressed, so I excuse myself and head back to her. “You’re leaving? I had a great time with you, let’s meet again some time and have shitloads of fun together!” I hand her my phone. She takes forever with my phone and hands it back to me. She wrote in her name including some pretty positive adjectives.
I generally consider myself a very trusting person, and I am most certainly not accustomed to getting false phone numbers, so I never do a spot-test, like calling her immediately or having her tell me her number backwards. This will not change, ever. I will much rather call the wrong number and have a great time with THAT person, if I fail to verify the owner using the internet.
Sunday afternoon. I’m home after a 2½-hour drive. I look up the number, and it turns up with a very… VERY different name. I am not surprised, even though it is my first fake number in many, many, many interactions. Her loss.
