Powerful Connections

As I was talking with one of my closest female friends the other day this dawned on me: Deep down in my heart I feel a sadness that has been growing inside of me for a long time. I know this because on many occasions after becoming single again, I would wake up in the middle of the night, or early in the morning, with one single sentense haunting me. One sentence, so frightening to me that I would sometimes have to get out of bed and take a cold shower before attempting to sleep again.

Basically, when you go to one of our pickup seminars or bootcamps, you will hear me say one thing very often, as I have said it aloud for the past 6 years now: To become a great PUA you must be honest to others. But first you must be honest to yourself. In truth, after all has been said and done at a seminar, I may have taught you close to all I know about social dynamics, however… the knowledge will only hold a very light impact in terms of external resuts, until you start being 100% honest with women.

Incidently, the sentense that has been haunting me is: ”I love you, [ex girlfriend].” Now, that’s some scary shit right there.

My previous relationship was with a person whom I highly respect and admire for the strengths she has. None the less, I also feel curious; I never did fully understand how she chose what she did. I have many wonderful memories from our time together, … and I can recall several not-so-great incidents as well.

The reason that I feel a growing sadness is that I no longer wake up crying out loud: ”I love you.” Instead I wake up thinking ”why did I love you?” - I also remember thinking: ”Did we ever REALLY love each other?”

It’s like what Shakespeare writes about in his sonnet # 116, … that there is no such thing as unconditional love. Now all the sudden I am reminded that love is conditional.  I am reminded of the values I want to experience in a relationship.

I want to live in a relationship full of mutual respect, intimacy, loyalty, enticement and impulsive behavior. To be completely honest with myself – and you – It has been a long time since I last experienced all of those things in my relationship. And as I realize that I have been low on these experiences for quite some time now, I feel sad.

My eyes darken.

The illusion that my ex girlfriend is the only one who could provide all of these experiences is shattered. Most of all I am sad that we did not end our relationship a lot sooner. And then it happens; the girl sitting next to me asks me a question I did not anticipate:

”What personality traits will a person need, if she is to be able to build a relationship with you based on those values?”

That, my dear friend, is the question that turns sadness into intrigue. It is the question that will help drive your honesty in all dialogues, internally and externally, and as such it is the first and most important question you need to ask yourself before looking for your dream partner. Finding out what you value in a relationship; knowing which personality features to look for in a woman is what will help you steer clear of the darkness.

If you do not have a good idea about what you want to experience in your next relationship, … you have work to do before searching the market for potential girlfriends. Unless you plan on taking your chances and enter into a long-term relationship (LTR) with the first opportunity that presents itself to you.

The choice is yours.