Powerful Connections

A reader asked me why the field reports on this site generally end without me closing the deal 100 % - there has been one exception in a field report was written by Martin one of our coaches at Powerful Attraction.

Actually, NOT posting about SNL’s (same night lays) ONS’s (one night stands) and STR’s (short-term relationships) has been a conscious choice of mine for quite some time. The reason behind the choice is quite simple - it relates to some of my key priciples in being a pickup coach.

When writing up field reports, I have two main concerns; one is PUA driven, the other is moral and motivation driven. The PUA driven side is mainly an expression of my desire to post-analyze what went down and to share my learning with you. And then again, there is a deeper meaning to it:

The good pickup artist (PUA) knows that in escalating a relationship with any woman to the point of a relationship (in PUA terms everything before the point of intercourse is defined as no relationship), he will often have to walk the woman through her anti slut defense (ASD). Good PUA’s know that women love sex and one of the key elements standing between you and sex is your ability to convey to the woman that sleeping with you will not imply her being a slut; cheap, or easy if you will. So, for sex to happen, among other things you have to provide her a way to not seem like a slut, simple as that.

What is ASD? 

Women will build guilt by having sex too quickly with a man, which is something that society would often call “slutty behavior.” Assuming she has enough time to think about the consequences - ASD is a reaction causing her to come up with reasons that she shouldn’t have sex with you in order to relieve her of taking responsibility for doing what she really wants to do. If left undealt with, the ASD will lead to last minute resistance (LMR) in bed, which in turn leads to no sex or, later on, to a girl flaking on you by suddenly being unable to meet (with little or no warning), or not taking your calls. 

How to deal with ASD

Handling the ASD response is one of the most central issues for a PUA. ASD is the reason we isolate her from the pack before escalating. ASD is the reason we do verbal take-aways after delivering our statement of (sexual) intent. If you ask me, ASD is the driving mechanism behind 70 % of the accumulated PUA material out there today. That’s how important this topic is.

What you really need to do to deal with the ASD is create a sense of certainty in her mind. At some point during the interaction your conversation will inevitably turn to sex and at that point she needs to know that you are experienced, yet not the bragging type. In other words, she needs to know that you know and can provide what she wants and you don’t kiss and tell. 

Heck, I once knew a girl that would only have sex with married men because: “Who the hell are they going to tell without risking a divorce!”

In this day and age, everybody reads everything on the internet - hell, my mom is probably reading this blog post, too! (hi mom!). I’m pretty sure that many of the girls I date read these blog posts, and I do not want to expose any of them. (Oh, if you thought we were exclusive: you never got that idea from me!) 

So, back to the “how” in this: Provide a safety net for the girl by isolating her from her friends. At some point, stress that you understand her for not showing who she REALLY wants to be around men when her friends are close by. Whenever she backs down in escalation, I strongly suggest that you acknowledge her socially driven response with words like “You are right, we shouldn’t be doing this…”  and then ASSUME FULL RESPONSIBILTY by saying stuff like: “you’re just too damn hot, I can’t help it…” True masters proceed with a true talent for acting it out, … “But no.. you’re right… so, as I was saying…” and then talk as if nothing had happened while escalating non-verbally. 

No-sex FR’s from a moral perspective

In terms of motivation and learning I have always found stories with unhappy endings to be the ones that inspired me the most. Sure, I’ve written many lay reports earlier in my life, all high on the adrenaline that can only be achieved through the feeling of having accomplished a desired outcome. Actually, I’m writing a (free) e-book with some of the best stories from my PUA life, most of these end up in a “relationship.”

I’ll tell you more about that project when the time comes - for now, let me get to the second point of the subject at hand:

Ever since the seduction community exploded in active participants and curious followers we have seen a similar growth in focus on externally validated results. 2007 and most of 2008 was all about who could hook up with most girls in a year; who was fastest from approach to sex, who could do the fastest makeout after initial eye-contact. I’m not judging anyone. In fact, I used to live that very same way. What dawned on me along the way was: Living your life as a slave of external validation has nothing to do with giving value to the girls you meet. It has absolutely nothing to do with achieving personal growth. 

I believe that we learn faster by analyzing how things didn’t play out as planned, and I believe that there is no real achievement in boasting about successful external results. This blog is all about conveying the importance of being congruent with your core traits and sticking to your inner values, while at the same time respecting women and adding value to their lives. 

I hope you can read the above moral standpoint between the lines of all present and future field reports found on this blog.

You are more than welcome to leave a comment or share this article using the share button below before you go out there and choose to make this day a great one!