It was time for the second episode of Danish TV show “Singleliv” (a show that follows the life of select singles) featuring Anders Tryka the Dating Coach. I sat myself down in a sofa with extremely good company by my side, eagerly anticipating this episode, framed by the production company as: “Anders and the guys go out to pick up some girls but not everything goes according to plan.”
Sure, over the course of this particular episode you see me engaged in conversation with 2 (two) people outside of my circle of friends. Sure, you see me NOT hooking these, and sure… one could frame that as “failure.” Be that as it may, for you to fully comprehend why I was appalled with the framing of the cut material, I need to explain some of the stuff that went on behind the camera. In hindsight, it’s hilarious!
First of all, this episode was part two of a full night in the company of good friends, that was supposed to be a poker night followed by a night out on the town.
Second, the agenda for the night was to have fun - I never go out to pick up chicks, it just happens when I have fun. In fact, the only person with an agenda of me intentionally picking up chicks was the TV journalist. And her big mistake - out of several that night - was to not share that agenda with me until I had gotten so fed up with her attempt to manipulate me that I almost blew up in her face and told the camera crew to piss off.
The Star vs. The Newcomer
In case you were wondering what it’s like to run around with a camera with flashing lights right behind your face, it’s hardcore as hell! No, Anders Tryka the Dating Coach featured on “Singleliv” did not get laid on camera this time around. In fact, the episode is very, very thin in terms of social interaction.
Compared to the “star” of the TV show - a guy that calls himself Sidney Lee; purposely framed as a total dickhead that everyone loves to hate - I was as exciting as getting home from a nightclub with a girl that has a penis. For crying out loud, in that very same episode the guy goes on a date with a girl, and the most interesting thing he can think of is to introduce her to three of his ex girlfriends… at the same time… because he is sitting with them as his new date arrives. INTENTIONALLY (!!!!!!!!!)
Yes! Sidney Lee is so far away from the real world that he is a GENIOUS! And, to top it off, this genious whips out an article from gossip magazine #1 in which they have an article about how he once upon a time used to date a stripper. Let me repeat my last remark: Sidney Lee is a GENIOUS!
Oh, and by the way, if you think girls with penises are exciting: Get your head examined!
The Plan vs. The Hidden Manuscript
The plan of the evening was to hook up at my place at 8 and then play poker until midnight. After that we would go out to one of our favorite bars and hang out - that’s what we do! However, the TV journalist from “Singleliv” had other plans… “Anders, we have to finish shooting by midnight, because I need to travel a long distance tomorrow morning.”
This meant that our poker evening SUCKED, because we HAD to be done by 9, so we could be at a bar at 9:30! Also, I had to buy PIZZA’s for the guys all the sudden, because they had to show up so early, and because of the hectic re-planning followed by eating we couldn’t focus on the poker game. And, since I had chosen the bar out of knowledge of what happens at around midnight, it in turn meant that we showed up way too early at a place that had less than 15 guests, including our group of 6 people! (If you watch the episode, you will not get this idea, since they have very intelligently edited the footage in such a way that you only see takes of the people at the bar from the last 30 minutes before midnight. )
Of course, there’s also the whole hidden agenda thing. She really applied her finest attempts to “move” (manipulate) me into taking action and approaching without the slightest respect for me or my values. At some point during her attempts I remember thinking: “They couldn’t care less about who I am. All they want from me is a new Sidney Lee, and nobody will ever again take me seriously if I compromise my core values to satisfy their needs.”
Our BIIIG Night Out
We had fun, most of the time. Were it not for the pesty little journalist that first tried to push me into approaching three apparent minors. Of course, since this move would be so far out of character for me, much to her disappointment, I declined her constant attempts to make me dance like a monkey. (If you’re a PUA, you’ll enjoy that reference!)
As the minutes passed, the impatience of the journalist kept growing: “Something needs to happen. We can’t just show you having fun with the guys. Approach some people.” I looked at her and said: “Who the FUCK do you expect me to approach!?!? I TOLD YOU this place would SUCK this time of night if your intention is to film me picking up women. No WAY you will get me to approach minors or those old farts.”
The evening went on, a few more people arrived. One of my friends walked up to a pretty girl by the bar and what ensued would be the theme of the evening: After talking with this girl for less than TEN seconds (where her face had lit up, my friend is a master at seducing women…) the camera crew were LITTERALLY in her FACE across the friggin’ BAR COUNTER!!! She, of course, saw the camera - and RAN off to sit with her friends! My friend was furious, and asked me to “tell those fucking socially incompetent idiots to get the fuck off of his radar” or he would begin to be less than pleasant towards them.
My frustration was growing. I wanted to show the social side of me but, not by sacrificing my ideals about who and why I approach. On top of that, I had to deal with Miss Hidden Agenda from Hell, who had now moved on in attempt to influence me indirectly through my friends. One of them came up to me and told me that I needed to step up to get my rep up because “she was starting to think I had trouble performing in front of the camera.” I covered my microphone (the camera crew could hear everything I said whenever I didn’t do that) and replied: “This is not about performing for the camera, it’s about having fun. It’s not about MY performance, it’s about their incompetence.”
But in reality, it wasn’t. It was about us not being used to talking to other people with a camera (including night lighting) less than 2 feet from our faces in every interaction. I know the camera crew had been in similar situations before, … but… not with PUA’s that rely on stealth and seeming anonymous. At this point in time ONE semi good-looking girl had planted her feet at that place, and by now I was so fed up with the journalist that my only thoughts were “maybe!” - And then, little miss congeniality had the balls to accuse my friends of trying to intentionally obstruct her “documentation” of life… “Every time we film them (your friends) with girls they turn away. Work with them!” ……….. aaaaaaand that’s when, at the point of realizing that her agenda was not to portray ME but instead to frame me as a pure 80-approaches-per-night PUA, my “maybe” turned into “hell no woman!”
Desperate to get a “money shot” before leaving, the TV journalist asked me to open a group of cute girls just before midnight… The place is getting packed… And now I put the hammer to the nail: “You mean that little red-head over there..? I don’t know if you can recall that you and your camera team actually caused her to RUN away from an interesting conversation with my friend. I won’t be the one to embarass either her or me on national television by putting her in that situation again.” She responds by wheeling her way over to the group of girls to “soften them up” - they’re actually trained to do that… and she returns, saying: “You’re right. They don’t mind being in the background but they do not wish to be in our show.” (Geeeeee, REALLY?!?!?)
Epilogue
I learned something extremely important that evening. About who I am and how I act under pressure. And above all, I am strengthened in my understanding of the importance of staying true to your core values. In all fairness to the production company: In spite of their desires to frame me as a womanizer and ONLY as a dating coach (both against my wishes by the way), I actually feel good about the way I am portrayed on “Singleliv” so far.
The guys and I moved on to new locations after the camera crew had left us - and I did meet a few cute girls that night. None of them had penises… Although one of them was hanging out with an ex-boyfriend. Too bad his name wasn’t Sidney Lee.
5 Responses
Nej, hvor er det synd for dig, at du sådan tuder over, hvordan du bliver fremstillet i Singleliv… Mit spørgsmål til dig er bare - hvad havde du regnet med, fjols?
Har ingen fidus til dig eller din kvaksalvervirksomhed. Det synes jeg bare lige, du skulle vide :)
Posted on December 16th, 2009 at 1:35 am
wow, tak for kommentaren, lige et par spørgsmål, inden jeg giver mit svar til dit spørgsmål… Kvaksalvervirksomhed? Fjols?
Hvordan er du lige kommet frem til dén konklusion?
Mig som person har du ingen fidus til?
Jeg er et fjols?
Fair nok, jeg kender ikke dig, og du kender bestemt heller ikke mig - men en kvaksalver ligefrem? En kvaksalver er en “fake” - jeg har coachet nok mennesker indenfor både dating, business og karriere til at kunne sige: Intet ved mine coaching akkreditiver, kompetencer eller referencer er “fake.”
Hvad jeg havde regnet med var, at de ting jeg fik at vide under de indledende casting snakke, som f.eks.:
Vi ønsker ikke udelukkende at vinkle dig som dating coach (fordi det kun udgør en meget lille del af mit liv)
Du får selv indflydelse på programmets forløb (det viste sig ikke at holde stik)
Sidney Lee er ikke med i år (og dét viste sig så slet ikke at holde stik, men det var vigtigt for mig)
… ville blive overholdt - sådan er jeg nemlig selv - en aftale er en aftale, og jeg var ikke interesseret i at blive vinklet som “dating coachen Anders.” Men JA du har en god pointe - hvad havde jeg regnet med? Som en ven siger (du ved godt hvad venner er ikke Lars?) - “De er ikke just kendt for god journalistik eller etisk holdning til formidling af fakta på den redaktion.”
Hovedet på sømmet for mig var da journalisten de havde tilkoblet mig under den der single-fest bad mig om at gå ud og score eller danse for at score eller bare et eller andet for at score, og jeg svarede “jeg scorer ikke på kommando, men når jeg ser en pige, jeg synes ser interessant ud, så finder hun ud af det.” Herefter svarede journalisten: “Helt ærligt Anders, vi kan næsten lige så godt droppe det her, for ellers ender vi med 6 afsnit, hvor du snakker om hvor god du er til at score - men man ser dig ikke score.”
Mit korte svar til dét var: “Jeg gør ikke tingene på din måde eller i dit tempo, og hvis vi skal arbejde sammen skal du overholde dit løfte om at vi viser MIT liv.” Dét blev der ikke noget af.
Jeg har i øvrigt en fantastisk dejlig, intelligent og smuk kæreste den dag i dag - og den første dag jeg mødte hende var efter den sidste optagelse med Singleliv; LIGE BAGEFTER AT KAMERAHOLDET VAR GÅET.
Og ellers tak for dit konstruktive input. Det varmer. Og jeg har til gengæld fuld fidus til mennesker, der dømmer andre mennesker. De ved åbenbart ikke bedre. Måske hvis du fik dig en god coach, … eller hvis du bare generelt var positiv overfor andre mennesker, … så kunne det være de ville smile tilbage og virkelig mene det? God jul!
Posted on December 23rd, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Hehe, tjener du faktuelt penge på det du render rundt og laver?
Altså, udover at fremligge det åbenlyse til folk som åbenlyst ingen ide har om hvad det vil sige at begå sig blandt andre homo sapiens.
Desuden synes jeg din slut kommentar til ham tossen om at han “bare” skal gå hen og sætte sig imellem den pige, og hendes umiddelbare bejler/veninde/ven, sige til bejler/veninde/ven, at nu skal han altså snakke med hende, er noget af det dummeste jeg længe har hørt.
Du kan jo ikke generalisere således, hvad tror du der sker når den stakkels mand sætter sig imellem en pige og hendes kæreste ?
Jeg må også gentage den langtfremme i skoene Lars, den store fidus til folk der i mine øjne, river penge ud af pungene på folk der ikke kan forstå solen bare ikke drejer rundt om dem, når de nu drejer så pisse meget rundt om den.
Så kan man argumentere om hvorvidt de hjælper staklerne, men det kunne være de bare skulle ha’ en kindhest, og så prøve at se tingene i lidt større perspektiv.
Endnu mindre kan jeg ikke forstå hvordan du kan sælge et produkt du ikke selv kan levere ?
Jeg mener, du fortæller alt om hvordan man skal bearbejde en pige, så hun er til at proppe i lommen og gå med hjem, som gjaldt det alle piger, men du kan ikke gøre det på kommando ? Dog smider du kommandoer efter staklen der udstiller sig selv som en børnehaveklasse elev, når du smider diverse ligegyldige gloser i hovedet på ham, du ikke selv kan efterleve ?
Der er så mange spørgsmål, og du har garanteret et rede svar til allesammen.
Desværre kommer alt sammen ned til perspektiv, og hvordan man ser på de ting du fortæller.
Det kan være det virker for nogle, men for mig er det ligeså brugbart som en tur i septik tanken.
Tillykke med kæresten dog, og held og lykke med verdens firmaet !
Posted on June 10th, 2010 at 10:16 pm
Kasper,
Der sker noget rigtigt sjovt med mennesker, når der fiser et kamerahold rundt i et lokale. Alle bemærker det, og fokuserer i en vis udstrækning på det. Alle justerer deres adfærd i større eller mindre grad på grund af det. Den sociale dynamik ændres markant i kraft af det.
Brian, som du refererer til, har været en af de mest populære skikkelser i TV programmet. Han fik intet ud af vores kursus, så længe kameraet var på ham - folks adfærd var simpelthen for langt fra deres normale adfærd. Først da vi fik aftalt med journalisten at kameraholdet tog 3 timers kaffepause, og jeg fik Brian med alene ind på en bar, skete der ting og sager. Vi tiltrak os ikke unødig opmærksomhed. Folk opførte sig ikke anderledes end de normalt ville. Alt teorien gik op i en højere enhed for Brian.
For mit eget vedkommende, som deltager - jeg nægter at gøre ting på kommando for din eller andres skyld. Jeg afviser på det groveste at kold approache piger der er halvt så gamle som jeg selv for en skide journalists fornøjelse - og det er ikke nok, næææh jeg skal også SCORE dem, selv om de ikke siger mig noget. For det er “godt TV.” Ja, det er det sikkert Kasper, men det er også uetisk, og det ville gøre mig til jorden’s største røvhul. Sorry, wrong guy.
Jeg var ikke med i Singleliv for at være cirkushest; sådan en har de og han går i underligt tøj og selvbruner. Og bare vent til næste sæson… Der får de en yngre hest.
Med hensyn til din kommentar omkring hvad man kan og ikke kan når der er mænd til stede i et selskab: Din bemærkning er vel det, der bedst illustrerer hvor socialt begrænset og uoplyst DU er, og ikke omvendt. Hvad tror DU der sker, når man går hen til en mand og hans kæreste? Havde du allerede der spillet filmen med at han pustede sig op osv? … Det gør de ikke, det er ikke sket for nogle af mine klienter før, selv om de alle har frygtet det.
Jeg var ude og holde et foredrag for to år siden, der var 60 mennesker i lokalet, og jeg kunne se at især en af de her gutter var et sort hul; hver gang jeg kom med en pointe fnøs han nærmest højlydt gennem lokalet. Jeg kiggede ham an, mens jeg talte til lokalet, … Høj, lyshåret, køn fyr, som sikkert har fået meget forærende på sit udseende - det var mit første indtryk. Ved den førstkommende toilet pause fik jeg ham på tomandshånd, og han var ikke sen til at sige, at han ikke mente at noget af det jeg sagde virkede… for så kunne alle jo score, og det mente han bestemt ikke at alle kunne. Men HAN kunne. Så jeg spurgte ham hvad hans hemmelighed var… hvor kom al hans modstand dog fra?
“Jeg har aldrig haft problemer med damerne, og jeg har til tider bare trukket dem ud på toilettet, midt i en undervisningsdag… nogle gange flere forskellige piger på en dag… Og når du siger, at alle kan gøre hvad jeg har gjort, så bliver jeg bare nødt til at sige at det tror jeg ikke en skid på.”
“Hvad for en skole var det?”
“Jeg gik på firsørskolen, og vi var 5 mænd til 400 piger… og de andre var enten homoer eller tudegrimme.”
Fantastisk som en mands verdensopfattelse defineres ud fra hans oplevelser. Fantastisk som input i nutid forvrænges ud fra muligheder i datid, og dermed skaber flere muligheder i fremtid.
Udfordringen i dit perspektiv er for mig, at du ikke anvender din forståelse for at mennesker er forskellige? Ikke alle tiltrækker pigerne per automatik. At påstå det modsatte, og gøre mig til djævelen på den baggrund, det er langt ude.
Med hensyn til om jeg tjener penge på det jeg laver - på den del af mit liv? Ja, det er bestemt mine timer værd. Men det der gør at det er dét værd er ikke pengene, … det er faktisk de tilfælde, hvor en person har kommet til mig i en påstand om at besidde social fobi, men efter et par uger render rundt som konge af det lokale diskotek og efter et par måneder har fundet sit livs kærlighed. Og sådanne historier har jeg mange af.
Posted on July 23rd, 2010 at 9:38 am
Sometimes these TV guy can be such poo heads. Sound like you managed to come out of it more or less with the upper hand.
Thanks for the post.._
Rob
Posted on July 28th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
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