Powerful Connections

It was time for the second episode of Danish TV show “Singleliv” (a show that follows the life of select singles) featuring Anders Tryka the Dating Coach. I sat myself down in a sofa with extremely good company by my side, eagerly anticipating this episode, framed by the production company as: “Anders and the guys go out to pick up some girls but not everything goes according to plan.”

Sure, over the course of this particular episode you see me engaged in conversation with 2 (two) people outside of my circle of friends. Sure, you see me NOT hooking these, and sure… one could frame that as “failure.” Be that as it may, for you to fully comprehend why I was appalled with the framing of the cut material, I need to explain some of the stuff that went on behind the camera. In hindsight, it’s hilarious!

First of all, this episode was part two of a full night in the company of good friends, that was supposed to be a poker night followed by a night out on the town.

Second, the agenda for the night was to have fun - I never go out to pick up chicks, it just happens when I have fun. In fact, the only person with an agenda of me intentionally picking up chicks was the TV journalist. And her big mistake - out of several that night - was to not share that agenda with me until I had gotten so fed up with her attempt to manipulate me that I almost blew up in her face and told the camera crew to piss off.

The Star vs. The Newcomer

In case you were wondering what it’s like to run around with a camera with flashing lights right behind your face, it’s hardcore as hell! No, Anders Tryka the Dating Coach featured on “Singleliv” did not get laid on camera this time around. In fact, the episode is very, very thin in terms of social interaction.

Compared to the “star” of the TV show - a guy that calls himself Sidney Lee; purposely framed as a total dickhead that everyone loves to hate - I was as exciting as getting home from a nightclub with a girl that has a penis. For crying out loud, in that very same episode the guy goes on a date with a girl, and the most interesting thing he can think of is to introduce her to three of his ex girlfriends… at the same time… because he is sitting with them as his new date arrives. INTENTIONALLY (!!!!!!!!!)

Yes! Sidney Lee is so far away from the real world that he is a GENIOUS! And, to top it off, this genious whips out an article from gossip magazine #1 in which they have an article about how he once upon a time used to date a stripper. Let me repeat my last remark: Sidney Lee is a GENIOUS!

Oh, and by the way, if you think girls with penises are exciting: Get your head examined!

The Plan vs. The Hidden Manuscript

The plan of the evening was to hook up at my place at 8 and then play poker until midnight. After that we would go out to one of our favorite bars and hang out - that’s what we do! However, the TV journalist from “Singleliv” had other plans… “Anders, we have to finish shooting by midnight, because I need to travel a long distance tomorrow morning.”

This meant that our poker evening SUCKED, because we HAD to be done by 9, so we could be at a bar at 9:30! Also, I had to buy PIZZA’s for the guys all the sudden, because they had to show up so early, and because of the hectic re-planning followed by eating we couldn’t focus on the poker game. And, since I had chosen the bar out of knowledge of what happens at around midnight, it in turn meant that we showed up way too early at a place that had less than 15 guests, including our group of 6 people! (If you watch the episode, you will not get this idea, since they have very intelligently edited the footage in such a way that you only see takes of the people at the bar from the last 30 minutes before midnight. )

Of course, there’s also the whole hidden agenda thing. She really applied her finest attempts to “move” (manipulate) me into taking action and approaching without the slightest respect for me or my values. At some point during her attempts I remember thinking: “They couldn’t care less about who I am. All they want from me is a new Sidney Lee, and nobody will ever again take me seriously if I compromise my core values to satisfy their needs.”

Our BIIIG Night Out

We had fun, most of the time. Were it not for the pesty little journalist that first tried to push me into approaching three apparent minors. Of course, since this move would be so far out of character for me, much to her disappointment, I declined her constant attempts to make me dance like a monkey. (If you’re a PUA, you’ll enjoy that reference!)

As the minutes passed, the impatience of the journalist kept growing: “Something needs to happen. We can’t just show you having fun with the guys. Approach some people.” I looked at her and said: “Who the FUCK do you expect me to approach!?!? I TOLD YOU this place would SUCK this time of night if your intention is to film me picking up women. No WAY you will get me to approach minors or those old farts.”

The evening went on, a few more people arrived. One of my friends walked up to a pretty girl by the bar and what ensued would be the theme of the evening: After talking with this girl for less than TEN seconds (where her face had lit up, my friend is a master at seducing women…) the camera crew were LITTERALLY in her FACE across the friggin’ BAR COUNTER!!! She, of course, saw the camera - and RAN off to sit with her friends! My friend was furious, and asked me to “tell those fucking socially incompetent idiots to get the fuck off of his radar” or he would begin to be less than pleasant towards them.

My frustration was growing. I wanted to show the social side of me but, not by sacrificing my ideals about who and why I approach. On top of that, I had to deal with Miss Hidden Agenda from Hell, who had now moved on in attempt to influence me indirectly through my friends. One of them came up to me and told me that I needed to step up to get my rep up because “she was starting to think I had trouble performing in front of the camera.” I covered my microphone (the camera crew could hear everything I said whenever I didn’t do that) and replied: “This is not about performing for the camera, it’s about having fun. It’s not about MY performance, it’s about their incompetence.”

But in reality, it wasn’t. It was about us not being used to talking to other people with a camera (including night lighting) less than 2 feet from our faces in every interaction. I know the camera crew had been in similar situations before, … but… not with PUA’s that rely on stealth and seeming anonymous. At this point in time ONE semi good-looking girl had planted her feet at that place, and by now I was so fed up with the journalist that my only thoughts were “maybe!” - And then, little miss congeniality had the balls to accuse my friends of trying to intentionally obstruct her “documentation” of life… “Every time we film them (your friends) with girls they turn away. Work with them!” ……….. aaaaaaand that’s when, at the point of realizing that her agenda was not to portray ME but instead to frame me as a pure 80-approaches-per-night PUA, my  “maybe” turned into “hell no woman!”

Desperate to get a “money shot” before leaving, the TV journalist asked me to open a group of cute girls just before midnight… The place is getting packed… And now I put the hammer to the nail: “You mean that little red-head over there..? I don’t know if you can recall that you and your camera team actually caused her to RUN away from an interesting conversation with my friend. I won’t be the one to embarass either her or me on national television by putting her in that situation again.” She responds by wheeling her way over to the group of girls to “soften them up” - they’re actually trained to do that… and she returns, saying: “You’re right. They don’t mind being in the background but they do not wish to be in our show.” (Geeeeee, REALLY?!?!?)

Epilogue

I learned something extremely important that evening. About who I am and how I act under pressure. And above all, I am strengthened in my understanding of the importance of staying true to your core values. In all fairness to the production company: In spite of their desires to frame me as a womanizer and ONLY as a dating coach (both against my wishes by the way), I actually feel good about the way I am portrayed on “Singleliv” so far.

The guys and I moved on to new locations after the camera crew had left us - and I did meet a few cute girls that night. None of them had penises… Although one of them was hanging out with an ex-boyfriend. Too bad his name wasn’t Sidney Lee.

Danish TV show ”Singleliv” (a show about the life of singles) just featured a new kid on the block.. His name is Anders Tryka, and he is described by the TV production company as ”Anders, 32, is a lonely dating coach. Although he makes a living by teaching guys to find and attract women, he has yet to find a woman of his own.”

Obviously, on a TV show like ”Singleliv” the above description makes a lot of sense to the producers. It’s dramatic. It’s full of paradox. It’s enticing. Alluring even. It makes you curious.

When they approached me and asked if I would be interested in joining the show, I thought it over a few times.

What’s My Background?

I have been on TV and in newspapers several times before, and I know that even the best of intentions are at risk of being cut by an editor focused on creating drama. That being said, these are the deeper layers of my ”story” Throughout my career, first in the IT industry as a sales rep, then as a coach, I have been fighting against the odds, let me give you a few examples of what I mean by that:

• Executives would deem me to young to do what I was qualified to do.
• The media would attempt to label me as manipulative and scheming.
• Business partners would refrain from using me as a sub-contractor out of fear of what their customers would say if they googled me.
• Women, upon realizing that I use part of my time as a pickup coach, would bail on me.

I have learned through my training in NLP that the second you judge someone, you lose all ability to influence them. Anders Tryka the dating coach, as seen on ”Singleliv,” is a whole lot more than what 8 minutes of TV once per week will show you.

Through all of the feedback in my life, I have prevailed. Over the past two years I have coached hundreds of people with the sole intent of enabling them to shift their focus towards leading a happy and rewarding life, not just for themselves – but also to add value and joy to the lives of others. I have managed to maintain and develop strong relationships to several business customers that come back for my coaching or consulting, time and time again. I have a strong circle of friends I would walk through hell to protect. I believe I have met a special person that I connect with on level like I never have before.

No matter what you may choose to perceive as your own truth about me, this is my truth: Deep inside I am a happy person that enjoys life. Over the years I have helped hundreds of guys meet and provide great experiences to tons of people in their lives. I thank you all for that blessing.

My Point?

Actually, that is my real motivation for accepting the invitation to be on ”Singleliv.” I hope to prove that you do not have to appeal to the lowest common denominator in order for you to be featured on a TV show. My intent was to show who I am behind the dating coach label.

I know that in being a “regular” on the TV show “Singleliv” I risk trash-talking, losing business customers and whatnot. So be it. In the end, I trust that my friends are full of integrity and stand up for me as I do for them, you see…

Someone I deeply respect and admire told me that it’s OK for a guy to flirt with girls, even if he is out with his girlfriend. As long as he remembers to check in with her, take time out to really ”feel” her and then squeeze her hand if he senses she has a bad day. Beautiful words from a person I hold in the highest regard.

All I’m asking from my friends and those of you that I have helped, either by my words on this or other media, my coaching or as your dedicated friend, is to get a squeeze in the hand from you now and then, in the highly unlikely event that I should be having a bad day.

Is that too much too ask?

Cold reads. I re-read the little piece of paper I drew out of the hat. The words cause me to cringe inside, like I had just eaten rotten meat. Back in my prime PUA days I used cold reads a lot. In opening conversations, in juicing them up, or… quite often, … to escalate the relation between myself and the girl.

In the right hands, cold reads can be extremely powerful. It’s a lot more fun to point your seduction gun at a girl and spit out bullets of intrigue, than it is to ramble on and on about someone else’s routine, too. Consider the people that read their horoscopes every week and go “Damn! That is so close to ME one should think the writer KNEW me!” Of course, the writer doesn’t know you at all. Instead he or she merely relies on two general techniques, 1) Communicating at an abstract level, and 2) “cold feeds.”

Quak fortune tellers (are any of them authentic?) rely on the same principles. However, the abstract communication is now shaped more as “cold reads.”

What are the definitions of cold reads then? The question is very simple to answer, and this technique is extremely easy to master in a very short time span. Over the years I have witnessed many aspiring PUA’s that rely on this one simple communication technique to move their conversations forward. Girls will go all fuzzy and warm inside when done right, some will want you badly, and all will think you have supernatural people-reading skills.

And in fact, you do possess those skills. But, cold reading is not the skill itself, it’s the communication channel of that skill set.

Imagine what will ensue when you are able to walk up to another person and have that person smile an authentic and deep smile after less than two minutes, all while he or she is thinking “wow… this guy is amazing!” Well, I know how I would handle that situation - and I’m pretty sure you’d be able to work with it as well. If you have been following my blog for a while, you’ll know exactly what to do.

The process is extremely simple, in fact, it’s so simple it hurts! For now, I’ll walk you through the very soft version to get you started:

1. Make an abstract statement about the other person I.E. “I can tell you’re the sort of person that really enjoys life.”
2. If the person says “yes” or anywhere along those lines, you say: “Yes, AND…” - if the persons says “no,” you say “BUT…”
3. You make another statement about that person. If she said yes, make it more specific than the last one. If she says no, make it a more abstract one.

There you have it - that’s the general structure of cold reads! Amazingly simple, and yet one of the most powerful and fun-to-use communication methods in the seduction - and fortune telling - world.

In PUA Cold Reads - Part II I will walk you through some more advanced cold read stuff and show you exactly how the cold read technique works through examples of some of the cold reads I have done with great success in the past.