Powerful Connections

Hi guys & girls

My sincerest apologies: I am extremely busy with a big project that will be available sometime during this fall, and I have prioritized this slightly over the blog. Even so, I thought I’d share a selection of openers from the past weeks.

Without further prelude, here’s a list of a few of the more curious openers I have used in my approaches this summer.

ME: Hi
HER: Get lost.
ME: Wow, who pissed you off? [sit down]
HER: I don’t want to talk with you, get lost!
ME: Well, why are you sitting next to me then?
HER: I was here first!
ME: Why are you talking to me? I don’t want to talk with you, get lost!
HER: [Goes to the bar]
ME: [Turn around, talk to random girl, her friend no doubt.]
HER: [Comes back, looks pissed]
ME: I kept your seat. Where’s my beer?
HER: [smiling]

Casual talk ensues.

+++

A girl has been looking at me from two seats over as I am sitting at a bar. She gets up, walks over, stands behind me, leans in and smells my neck.

ME: You’re sexy… Too bad you’re so shy, otherwise I would have taken down your number a long time ago.
HER: [Blushes, goes back to her friends]
ME: [loudly] IF you want to give me your number so we can hook up some other time, just come back here some time.
HER: [walks back]

+++

HER: [walks through the door, looks at the dance-floor, looks sad/pissed]
ME: Now what?
HER: We just wanna dance, but the dance-floor’s empty!
ME: I’m pretty sure that you can get some guys out there with you.
HER: Let’s dance!
ME: Not now. I’m waiting!
HER: For what?
ME: For you to dance and get hot inside beause you will be fantasizing about me.
HER: [Smiles. Dances. Looks over now and then]

Some drunk fool approaches her on the dance-floor, she sends me the “save me eyes.” I send her back the “Loser” signal, smile and sip my beer. After a few minutes of her in agony I go out there and cut in front of the guy.

ME: You owe me.
HER: Yes I do.
ME: Brunch [I pull out my phone]
HER: OK [enters her phone number]

+++

A girl sits alone by a bar as she is approached by some random guy. I notice a lot of non-verbal IOD’s (indicators of dis-interest). The guy eventually gets it and leaves. Shortly after this, the girl stands up and starts walking from her end of the bar towards the dance-floor where I am sitting. I reach out my hand.

ME: Stop!
HER: …
ME: I just have to tell you… I have seen lots of girls reject the advances of lots of guys, and I have to pay you a compliment. You were exceptionally nice to that guy just now, even though it was clear from a mile away that you wanted him to leave. He’s having a good night because you have a great heart.
HER: [DDB (doggy dinner bowl look in her eyes)]
ME: [I get up, take her hand, and lead her towards the dance-floor] You deserve a great experience.

+++

ME: I know this may seem weird.
HER: Eeeeehm… what?
ME: That I’m just stopping right here, right in my tracks. I have a question.
HER: … OK?
ME: It’s OK if you don’t want to answer. It’s kind of personal.
HER: Tell me?
ME: Well, actually I feel kind of stupid in asking such a deep question to a girl I’m only just getting to know.
HER: No no, it’s alright. What is it?
ME: Do you like pasta?

+++

ME: Wow, you’re so sexy I just want to… Oh my God, where are my manners? HI!
HER: Ehm, hi.
ME: I need your help.
HER: For what???
ME: Well, I don’t know WHY… But YOU are the one that’s going to help me.
HER: With what???
ME: I forgot how to tie my shoe-laces [pointing down]
HER: Oh my God, that’s lame! [looks annoyed]
ME: Hey, just tell me if you don’t remember either! Seriously. OK, I’ll give you a beer if you teach me.
HER: [my foot goes on her lap, she ties my shoe-laces]

+++

ME: Grrrrrrrrrraaaaauuuwwww
HER: Hi, - are you out alone?
ME: Oh my GOD, what kind of stupid question is that. Do you have a hard time making contact with people?
HER: Jezzz, you have a bad mouth!
ME: Of course, that’s why I’m out all alone. You look cute when you try to act as if you’re insulted. [smile]
ME: I’m Anders. Where are your friends?
HER: I’m out alone.
ME: Not any more. But it’s going to cost you a beer and 500 money’s worth. - Or a smile.
HER: [smile]

+++

ME: Hey pussycat
HER: Meeeeaaaaauww.
ME: Pussycats don’t say that. They go flap flap flap flap [pussy-like sounds]
HER: [blushing] You’re a pervert!
ME: Yeah, you taught me.
HER: What?
ME: Confusion is sexy. Who are you behind your confusion pussycat?

Last month I found myself in Portugal doing a mini-version of our PowerBOOST! workshop for a team of professional coaches. The point was of course to help them understand how the team at Powerful Attraction applies NeuroStrategies combined with Social Dynamics to achieve personal and social success in no time.

Incidently, if you have not been to Portugal before, I can only tell you that you have been missing out on a great experience. I loved the way the sun burned through the clouds that swept in from the Atlantic Ocean. Every morning I would wake up, look out of the window and know that this day would turn out great. The sun would win, the clouds would evaporate, and the waves would keep pounding the shores. Yep, to me, Portugal represents total tranquility.

 Street, Club or Party?

A thing that really got me thinking were the cultural differences between Denmark and Portugal when it comes to going out to hook up with strangers.  Especially the differences in terms of social pre-selection got me thinking. You see, in Denmark - and pretty much any other Western country I have visited - there is a big difference compared to Portugal when it comes to how or where we meet other people.

When doing a power speak, seminar or workshop I always ask the participants to estimate in percentage how many of their friends have met their current or last partner / lover

1. On the street or in a supermarket
2. At a bar or night-club
3. At a social circle event (work or private parties)

In most cases, the split is typically 10-35-55.

The Portuguese Off-set

In Portugal, a totally different picture emerged: 0-20-80 (with a clear emphasis on WORK as a setting). On top of that, the people there told me that it is pretty close to unacceptable for a Portuguese woman to be the one that initiates contact with a guy.

Well, I took that as a challenge and as we went out to the Portuguese night-life I worked with one of the women in the group. A couple of hours later she had been talking with several different guys, she even took down a phone number, and she had a look in her eyes I know all too well from my many previous workshops: She was full of enthusiasm and belief in her ability to change her situation!

So, it would seem that the above mentioned split and the local Portuguese belief about how women are supposed to act is something that can easily change.

Why We Act Differently in Each Setting

My reason for splitting the first encounter into the three categories mentioned above is simple. It relates to two things: The concept of Social Pre-Selection and, of course, our focus.

1.  The street / Supermarket: None of us normally walk down a street or into a supermarket expecting to meet the prince(ss) on the white horse. We are focused on the task at hand; getting from A to B or picking up some groceries for dinner. Also, if someone approaches us in this situation, we have no way of knowing what kind of person we meet. Actually, roughly half of us believe that a stranger approaching us on the street has malicious intent. There is no means for us to gage for social pre-approval: The stranger might be a psycho. We don’t know, because we don’t know anyone that knows him or her. In this setting a pickup artist greatly relies on his skill to build instant rapport and establish trust. I once had a client that approached a lone wolf from out of town on the street at night. In 15 minutes he had her phone number, they made out and she invited him back to her hotel room.
2. The bar / nightclub: Most of us go to bars and nightclubs to “see what will happen.” We put on our social game face and yet, we will most likely stick to our group of friends as these are all pre-approved. Everyone at a nightclub has been screened by a bouncer and/or a picker, so we jump to an assumption that everyone at the venue fits with a minimum set of social approval criterias. As a result, we do not immediately reject advances from outsiders but we will take measures to screen them for congruency and character flaws. The better PUA’s will typically rely on techniques to spike a girl’s buying temperature I.E. push/pull techniques, role-playing or - for some - going caveman. Back in my caveman days I went from initial eye-contact to a full-scale makeout in 7 seconds!
3. Social circle events: Our focus at a private or corporate party is normally to have fun with our closest friends and co-workers and to establish new connections. At corporate events we assume that everyone is cool to some extent, as they are already a part of our pack. The same goes for private parties, no matter the size: Everyone there knows someone that knows someone that knows me - or the host - meaning: Everyone there is socially pre-selected. Our guards are much lower than on the street or the supermarket, simply because we have an illusion that we share certain values with everyone present. The better PUA’s know this and notes who knows whoelse and how, so he can position himself as the alpha male, have fun and choose the most interesting girl(s) for the evening.

Back to the Portuguese… My trip there was great and I really enjoyed the hospitality of my hosts. As a result of my stay they have decided to announce seminars and workshops in October. It’s going to be a blast.

The sun is burning through the clouds, and it’s a beautiful experience to listen to the roar of the Atlantic Ocean as you chew your way through a good book, … and as you visit Portugal, remember to be as social as absolutely possible.