Many people celebrate Valentine’s Day by treating our loved ones to gifts as tokens of our affection. It is not a question of whether we do something romantic to commemorate the legend of Valentinus – it’s an absolute must. We have embraced the legacy of this day, and made it our own.
The Roman monk Valentinus performed marriage ceremonies for soldiers despite the emperor’s orders. He helped couples declare their love. To me, this monk’s story is not necessarily a story about love. Rather, I find that it is a story about providing people in need with resources that will help them achieve a higher degree of happiness in life. It is a story of rebellion through kind acts towards other human beings.
Instead of selecting a girl with whom I could spend the day dedicated to celebrate the story of St. Valentinus, I had decided to share my knowledge and inspiration with singles. My speech to the guys was full of positive moments, and as I headed to the next room to talk with the women about cracking the code to men, I noticed that my palms started to sweat. I had jotted down two lines in my notes. Two headers for 30 minutes were all that my brain would allow me to jot down.
I went into the room and instantly noticed that I was being evaluated, judged, and sentenced in a split-second by a vast majority of these women. Everywhere in the room the girls were engaged in conversation, leaving the initiative up to me. After recognizing a few of the rapport leaders I took one step forward, and sighed. It was a long sigh that came from the bottom of my lungs. At the end of the sigh every person in the room had ended their talking stream. I enjoyed that brief moment of absolute silence for 2 seconds before speaking.
What do guys want, and what do girls want? How and why do we make it hard for ourselves to find love? How do we keep our relationships energetic? How do we spot assholes and weed them out before engaging in relationships with them? What is the true gift of being approached by someone else? As we dove into these questions, I noticed that I was no longer nervous. I was in a process of reframing their perception of men, of me, and at one point I consciously found myself thinking about how different the energy of this room was compared to that of the room with all the guys. With the guys, the mood had been upbeat, empowering and action-oriented – but this room was different from all other assemblies in which I have ever spoken.
And then I started thinking, … about why I was there? What is it that I can contribute to all of these magnificent women? I decided to just enjoy the moment and trust that I made a difference in their lives as they were making one in mine right now. Every last one of the women in that room commanded my respect. I told them some things I have never told other people before and, of course, I felt so happy inside as I told these stories and beliefs of my world. I loved them.
I have to say that from the first sigh – which really served as a great lesson on how to command the attention of a room full of people – to that last second of talking with the women, I was feeling butterflies inside my stomach. I spoke from the heart, I felt genuine, and I walked out of the room feeling great about the gift I had received; the gift of sharing dreams and fears in an open room.
Valentinus really did have a great idea. He stood up for what he believed in. No wonder people would leave flowers outside the window of his cell after he was thrown in jail for marrying people in spite of Caesar’s orders. My guess is that Valentinus believed that the world will grow as we provide people with gifts that come from our hearts. Before this Valentine’s Day, I had always believed this tradition to be a shallow one.
As I woke up yesterday I found myself in an energetic state. I glanced at my speaker notes and realized that I had not addressed one single thing in them. I had surrendered to the flow, I had listened with my heart and I had spoken with love. Valentine’s Day will never be the same again.
