In terms of seduction, attraction, pick up, or whatever predicate you use, one key word I hear a lot is “state.” Actually this key word is often heard in coherence with the phrase: “I wasn’t in state, so I decided not to approach the girl.”
I love that procrastinating phrase for what it is: An excuse to not act on your deepest desires that, once you’ve read this article, will no longer have any meaning to you. It’s impossible to NOT be in state unless our dead.
What is STATE?
The term “state” covers the prolonged term “emotional state” and simplified, our state consists of three key elements; our filters (belief system), our internal representation (inner dialogue) and our physiology (how we use our body).
We have resourceful states such as joy, happiness, motivation, love, passion – and we have un-resourceful states such as fear, anger, procrastination, sadness, hurt and guilt.
FACT: It is neurologically impossible for two states to co-exist inside our body at the same time.
What kind of words do you use when you are extremely happy? What do you believe in? What’s the tonality of those words? How do you use your body when you realize that you are extremely happy?
Do you use words like “dammit, I’m such a dickhead…” or is it something else? Are you sitting down, arms folded, shallow breath, muscles tightened? Probably not.
Well, what if you find yourself in an extremely horny state? Do you think you will be using the same words, beliefs, tonality, physiology, as you do when you are happy? With identical external input, would you be taking the same actions in either happy or horny states?
The importance of your beliefs
Your actions, combined with the state of other people, determine your communication outcomes. You cannot control other people, and therefore, in communicating with them your sole responsibility is to act - and change your actions when you do not get the desired outcomes.
We categorize the feedback we get on our actions. We do this through our filters; our belief system. And boy oh boy, the human mind can be very complex. We lead our busy little lives and constantly measure our outcomes related to the outcomes of other people.
FACT: Our brains cannot consciously process all the input we receive, so we delete, distort and generalize it to “make it fit” into our model of the world.
You can identify these filters with ease when you really listen to your chosen language. Words such as “never” – “always” – “because” – “can’t” – “shouldn’t” and lots more are tip-offs.
Here’s a great example: “I can’t achieve X, because of Y.” Have you ever heard of that expression? You’ve most likely said it out loud, right? How does Y mean that you cannot achieve X? Well, you could try a conscious approach to your belief system here… Other than just looking for counter-examples I can recommend that you start asking yourself different questions. Try these on for size.
“Have I always believed this? … Always?”
“What specific experience or input has led me to this belief?”
“What else could I choose to believe about this experience?”
“If I could achieve X, how would I do it?”
“What is the first thing I would need to do on my path to achieving X?”
In asking yourself different questions, you are automatically shifting your focus. Your focus is found in your belief system, and if you have a different focus, you are actively applying a different belief, which in turn impacts your state!
How to change your state
“Not being in state” is a great excuse to not act on your deepest desires. one of the quickest routes to a state change is to consciously work with your physiology, dialogue or beliefs. Most people find that the best shortcut is found through shifting their physiology.
FACT: Our actions are founded in our state, and we have the ability to choose the state we are in.
For instance, you see the beautiful woman in the street and find yourself paralyzed or any other un-resourceful state that you may be in. I dare you to jump as HIGH as you can, and start singing as you hit the ground. Sing out loud, and smile as you approach! In this action, you are actually changing all three key factors to enter a new state.
FACT: On average, a state lasts for 90 seconds.
In jumping, and taking deep breaths to sing out loud, you are changing your physiology. You are focused on remembering the words of the song, and you may or may not have a completely different focus in the situation.
If you find yourself in an un-resourceful state, what happens when you put two fingers up your nose and attempt to pick your toes, whilst singing your national anthem and imagine how funny it would be if your ex-girlfriend was doing the same thing naked in a zoo? I know I’d be laughing. Actually, the picture I just had in my head put a smile on my face right now.
Stop for a moment and think about how you can apply this knowledge in your life in general, not just with women. The next time you find yourself thinking “I am not in the right state,” remember: The choice is all yours.
