Powerful Connections

(Field report from our coach Martin a.k.a. HappyTalk)

Last Saturday I was at a friend’s birthday party. I was dressed in an incredible stylish Santa costume, drinking a ton of vodka. Shortly after my arrival I pass out from drinking too much too fast and I wake up again at 4:45 AM thinking “FUCK! I missed the whole thing!!” - Kids, do NOT drink!!! You will go CRAZY!!!

The positive thing about waking up at 4:45 AM: I was almost sober again, so we go to the nearest bar which has about 100 people inside. I open one (1) group of people, … the hottest girl I could see, standing with a friend by the dance floor. Being the PUA that I am, I drag her out there and instantly start applying KINO, gently pushing her up against the nearby walls, so we can stand really close together and build up an intimate atmosphere. Santa gets away with everything!

Something I do a lot is to move their hands to the position where I would like to have them, in doing this I actually escalate on their behalf. This could be around my hips, or I move them so they hold around my head - especially when I sense it’s time for the makeout. Or, I simply move one of her legs around me so she can hold me tight. She’s in control all of the way and I lead, it makes perfect sense!

When we are done dancing I grab two chairs, one for my girl and one for me, effectively holding the initiative and locking myself in with her. The friend is already seated at this point, so I befriend her and have fun with them until the friend sub-communicates that she’s cool with me being there with them. I am thinking “Go - I’m in” now, and quickly go for the makeout just before the place closes for the night.

The three of us leave the place and guys left and right are moving in on my target, desperately trying to secure SOMETHING before facing that they will have to go home alone. I use the situation to my advantage and quickly move to isolate my girl around a corner and we have another tongue-down. We then head to my place to do the natural things that grown-ups do together when they’re all alone.

All in all, it took me 60 minutes of escalation fun with a really nice and goodlooking girl from the second I approached until we reached the point where the bedtime stories began.

After she had left, I burst into laughter… “My room is full of condom casings that are ripped open. Christmas is here. Nice.”

This past week has been really interesting in many ways. I have found myself in front of my computer until the late hours of the morning doing stuff that might help set up future spiritual, emotional and financial income. Wow, … Big one.

Today, doing my daily 20 minutes of blog scanning, I stumbled upon a goldmine. Before sharing it with you, let me tell you my insights from some extensive soul searching.

Why do I put so much pressure on myself? How is it that I have found it hard to motivate myself into taking action right now?

I was in a relationship with a magnificent woman until recently. In spite of any issues we may have had, I was sure this was the woman that was the match for me… Intelligent, caring, beautiful, fucked up to some extent, attractive and independent. The one person I have yet to meet and open up to completely. Had it not been for her, I would not have chosen a path of life that involved self-employment. Most likely, I would have ignored my son completely, if she had not persistantly “coached” (pressured me kindly) to take action.

It has been a relationship with lots of great moments. Like every couple, we have had our differences, and we always found a way to meet each other. I remember one key dominant sentence throughout: I hate it when people decide to quit just because they can’t figure out what to do. Maybe it’s just me being stubborn but, I am used to winning. You don’t win by quitting - you win by changing directions.

Somewhere, deep inside me, the desire to win is rooted in a fear of being abandoned, which is rooted in my need to feel certainty. As I look back in my life, I suddenly realize that many of my most stupid choices have roots in that need.

If you’re headed towards the edge of the cliff with full momentum, it won’t do you any good to slam the brakes. You need to change your heading. - Former CEO of a Danish phone company

When you cannot figure out what to do, it is because you have a dream that you are yet to fully verbalize. If you give up when things heat up, you give up that dream. If you do not possess the flexiblity to look inside yourself and figure out how your behavior is creating or amplifying the problem, so you can change your situation, then you’re quitting! Well, now I know the name of my fear behind that belief, and actually I feel liberated from it as I am sharing this with you.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, while expecting different results every time you do it. -Tony Robbins

Just the other day I was in a radio talkshow with a female dating expert. It was great fun, oddly enough we agreed on 90 % of the questions, and actually I enjoyed the post-show talk even more.  

I was surprised and happy when you said that there is no point in using predefined pickup lines. Honestly, I had expected you to pull out a list with the 10 most effective ones! - Danish female dating expert Julie Badura

We had some great talks about female and male mindsets and how the American dating culture is becoming more dominant in the Nordic countries. We also talked about how we sometimes abandon our real dreams in pursuit of monetary happiness, and how this effects our lives later on. I felt inspired as I drove back to my house.

This, and my past relationship, reminded me of the movie “Click!” with Adam Sandler. For the past 12 months I have worked close to 80 hours a week, in pursuit of my dream to build a company that would help people achieve their spiritual and emotional dreams. I have focused on these people with the guiding principle: “If I show my clients I care, more clients will come.” Admirable standards to live and do business by, right? Well, here’s the problem: I neglected my own personal long-term emotional growth. I forgot to stay grounded. The very things that my girlfriend had helped inspire me to accomplish would be the key sources to our downfall.

In the last 30 days, I have been feeling good. However, I have not been able to find the drive that is my character signature if you ask my friends and business associates. Until today, as I woke up thinking: “If only she were here. I did it all to build our future, and she is not here anymore.”

Well, she is NOT here anymore, and that is EXACTLY why I need to keep my momentum going. I just need to remember the movie “Click!” in the process. I want to stay grounded and care for my friends and myself, as I am living the dream I am building. Right now!

Always remember to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others… -Airline emergency instruction video

So that’s it. No flashy remarks. No snappy comebacks from the Grand Old Man of the Danish PUA community. Just me exposing my core so that hopefully someone, somewhere, can feel inspired to do the same… Which leads me back to the most inspiring blog I came across this week. Check out Erika’s blog, and notice the positivity and honesty in her words.

Let’s make this the great day.

The concept “Demonstration of High(er) Value” can be split up into several sub-categories, and in this post I will focus on the verbal part.

In terms of classic PUA (pick up artist) definition, verbal DHV stories are those you tell to build interest and / or attraction towards your persona from another persona. If you browse the Powerful Attraction Model, you will find that we do not include DHV stories anywhere, as we assume value in the opener. However, I do acknowledge that you need to know which topics to talk about to let a girl know just how lucky she is to be in your company!

When I talk with women, I hold back the stories about myself until we are in the Qualify/Relate stages of our interaction, as I want to make sure that she has invested first. This is in stark contrast to other philosophies, in which you are likely recommended to state your value quickly. Again, let me refer to my previous statement: You have value because you opened! You will display further value only if she is interesting enough to do so.

In general, there are four key areas that you will want to know and be able to adress:

• You are preselected
• You are a leader of your social circle
• You do things that excite you
• You have high standards

When do you want to deliver a DHV?

From personal experience I can tell you that you can walk up to a group, pull away a girl and just start off with a justification of why (if you need to) and then ask her a value-based question like: “Are you a cool person?” Listen, take mental notes, and then relate using one of the four key areas. Or, you can vibe with the group and ask someone in the group (not her) about what they do for fun - when they reply with one single word (even it is “why?”), you have opened the conversation thread and you can now relate:

Being preselected is all about letting the girl know that you are used to being with hot girls, so she can expect you to know how to treat her right and not go all loser-like on her. Preselection also relates to the concept “social proof” - if you are seen talking and having social fun with lots of people at a place, you will unconsciously be attributed higher value… An example of how I would do this is to out loud compare the reply to someting one of my female friends would think, discover why it’s interesting, and somewhere along the way convey why I hold that female as a friend: “wow, you’re right, that IS cool. One of my ex girlfriends says the same thing. People tend to judge her on her looks and fear approaching her, and it tears her up inside. I guess it’s not all that easy to be a model.”

Being a leader of your social circle is all about letting her know that you are fully capable of leading an interesting life without her, and also to get her thinking that you have cool friends, because as the saying goes: You can tell who people are through the company they keep. An example: “That’s cool?!?? I took out  one of my friends who runs a company that does X , and he says the exact same thing. I don’t get it, but I respect it.” - In doing this you also set up a possibility for her to qualify herself, in convincing you that what you are talking about IS cool. Personally I do not talk about this area, as I will apply social dynamic tactics instead, following the “don’t tell it, show it” maxim.

You will want to do and talk about things that are exciting to you. This is important, as it fuels your state, and it lets her know that you enjoy your life. It also lets her know what she’s in for if she hangs around for a longer period of time. “Yeah, that is cool. One of the coolest things I know is to do X. I feel so alive when I do it that [...]” - Really get into that state, and know that it is not important if she relates to your words - she is relating to your subcommunication.

In conveying your standards, you are subconsciously letting her know that you will not be chosen by her; it is a mutual decision, and she has to have certain personality features for you to be attracted to her. You are signalling many things in doing this, and one key application in my model of the world is to subtly convey what is or is not acceptable behavior between the two of us later on. An example from my world would be extensive use of preframing for what’s going to happen after we agree to exchange phone numbers, and then use callbacks to what we have talked about when I do close.

I’ll quite often say something like: “Don’t you just hate it when you give a guy his phone number, and he texts you the next day? … [response] … I love indepent people. When I give out my phone number to someone it’s because I find them interesting or attractive or sexy and intend to see them again within two weeks, … and patience is the key!”

Now, if you are experienced in seducing women, you will have guessed that the girl will pick up on that thread and start qualifying herself, either instantly or later on - and the second she ”competes” for your interest or starts relating to what you find attractive or sexy, you are good in taking her number or moving ahead to something more…

Stay tuned for the next post on nonverbal DHV.