Powerful Connections

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Today I am a happy camper. The RealManConference is just about over down in Amsterdam, and I am pretty sure we will see the main Danish forum over-flowing with massive new seduction-oriented content. I am happy, as I greatly anticipate these new ideas, I feel the Danish community needs them.

Meanwhile, back at the Bat Cave, the final steps needed to launch the new Powerful Attraction web-shop, are being completed. As I look in my inbox to see how far along we are, I notice that my man in India is progressing with eBook layouts, and the credit card company has cleared our site. All we need now is to complete the DVD’s and to get full integration with the backend financial systems, so we can process orders automatically!

However, not all is great in the state of Denmark. Today, as I woke up, I caught myself thinking (uh-oh!)…

Last week I had a PowerBOOST! with two guys attending. I had closed the sign-ups at two participants, because that was the number I felt I could stand behind on a long week-end out. The guys did great, although I was thinking at a point - What is the foundation of our business? What does a seduction coach do?

Well, the answer to the first question is: Dreams that have not been met. And, the answer to the second question is: That depends.

I once read somewhere that guys and girls go about their dreams differently. Guys have a fantasy and seek to fulfill it. Girls have a fantasy and seek to NOT fulfill it.

Yeah, guys and girls sure do work and different ways… About a week ago, when interviewed for a book, I explained one of the oldest and to me most well-known paradigms of the seduction community: Guys have logic, Girls have chick-logic.

I’m not quite sure that the explanation went down as I had intended it, which was of course entirely my own fault. But, none-the-less, let me just recap the core of it all.

The guy / girl difference

When a guy (full of self-confidence) is out, and sees a wonderful girl, he thinks to himself: “Wow, that’s a hot girl, I want to have sex with her.” After having this epiphany, he heads over to the girl, charms his way in if needed, and does what he can to get her to go to his cave. They then have sex, and the guy wakes up in the morning thinking to himself: “YES! That’s a HOT girl, and I had sex with her. I’M DA MAN! I gotta call my friends and tell them all about it!”

The girl on the other hand, uses chick logic, and abides by social conformity. She’s out on the town, flirts with some guys, and ends up in one guy’s cave, where they have sex. In the morning, the girl wakes up, looks at the guy and thinks to herself: “I had great sex with that guy. That means he’s hot.”

Over the years, I have thought a lot about this story, and the signals in it. I’m not saying that I completely buy into it, well, being a guy, and having coached many other guys, I can tell you that the guy part is true. But, the girl part?

We can look at the story from different perspectives. Is it about the learning curve? Is it about rationalization and post-rationalization? Is it just a cool belief to have as an insecure guy venturing out into the nightlife to learn the philosophy and lifestyle of the pickup artist?

To me, the story is just what it is… A good story to discuss with intelligent girls that are always pissed off with the sexistic viewpoint, … which, of course, always entertains me to great extent. What is it about to you?

If you feel that you must put down a woman every time you meet one in order to lower her value, what are you assuming? You assume that she is better than you. You assume that she is above you. You assume that you are worth less than she is, and now you must tear her value down to your level of misery.

If you feel that you must put use a NEG with women every time you meet a really hot one, in order for you to feel valuable enough to talk to her… The problem is not that of presenting value.

Moreover, it lies in the fact of men approaching with the mindset and belief that “THEY must show high value, and they must lower her value.” I have met tons of guys through the years to discuss pickup, and the issue of “best strategy on approaching women” pops up repeatedly. They try to devise complex strategies in order to approach a woman as that you think they were planning to rob a bank. The interesting part is that regardless of who she is as a person, their first thought is, “I must go in, demonstrate higher value, and tear her down and lower hers.”

Well, what if I were to offer a different perspective on the concept “DHV” (Display High Value)?

What if you were to possess the mind-frame of having high value? I for one never meet a woman and assign a higher value to her, than I assign to my own personality.

First off… I don’t use a NEG to lower her value - I use the principle behind it in a light-hearted tonality to break her state, or that of the group she is in, to show her that I am not Joe Blow from around the block. In other words, it has become nothing but an ice-breaker tool for me, if she doesn’t respond to my opener in the positive frame I am putting out there.

Secondly… My game is extremely physically oriented, I touch people straight off the opener and stick to it until the close. All things serve as tools to apply touch, or vice versa… Why is that?

To me, life in general is about assuming that I have what it takes to meet my goals, and to act accordingly. Anything I do from the minute I wake up until I fall asleep circles around this assumption of myself.

All of the various communication principles I apply are tools to illustrate to the rest of the world that I assume that my value is high. That I have confidence in myself, no matter who’s competing, and in whatever context!

These things ARE tools to DHV… or as I’d say it, to DC (”Display Confidence”) and in a seductive context they are designed and used to 

1. Create a frame of sensual interaction
2. Enforce the frame of sensual interaction

In my opinion, DHV’ing becomes bad when it is thought of as an important step on the path to a woman’s bed. Why use a pair of crutches to get laid?

Why display high value for the “wrong” reasons? Why qualify to your target girl – when you know that a succesful pickup artist is the one that doesn’t bother to qualify for anything or anyone, and has everyone else qualifying for him/her at the same time?

Lately, I have found myself in a strange place.

When I first started my little niche, supplying the market with accelerated life-coaching disguised as workshops for guys wanting to improve their skills with women, I had a principle. That principle has been my guide throughout my career as a coach ever since: Either be a coach, or a salesman. Do not attempt to be both at the same time. It was, in fact, deeply inspired by some true words of wisdom by my first coach trainer Steve Linder, a person I deeply respect and admire.

If you do the best for the persons that trust you to coach them, the word will travel.

As I started as a fulltime professional coach however, I started noticing that I - in some way chose to - feel a pressure on my shoulders. Use your network. Sell more to exisiting clients. Make sure you have business tomorrow.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with that in itself, I have been a salesman for many years, and concepts such as cross-selling and up-selling are some I believe I master… And I have been able to generate quite a nifty profit in business coaching and training - however, I have always drawn the line at a point where business partners in my life-coaching business have asked me to think in some of the more radical extensions of these strategies.

I am pretty sure that I could have grown the brand Powerful Connections to a much bigger one by now, if I had compromised on my base principle in this area. We would have been able to “go global” 6 months ago, if I had chosen a different path from the beginning. But, what would I be believing about my clients, at my heart, other than that I would need to attach to them like a bad habit that they are addicted to.

My pride comes frome my ability to release my clients soon after they come to me, feeling more powerful as they walk out of my office, or hang up the phone, not from the bank statement I get each month. That’s what coaching is all about to me, and that is why I will always think ethics into our product offerings, and our business model.

If my up and coming eBook “Powerful Game” priced at some $ 20 helps you out, I will be just as happy as I would, if you decide to attend one of our live events at around $ 1,000.

And of course, when all that is said and done - I don’t grow fat from the attraction business. I have given away tons of stuff for free, I have coached many people without hesitating or asking for a charge, and I have enjoyed every minute of it.

One of my clients wrote me, 6 months after he attended our PowerBOOST! His life has changed immensely, he sees opportunities everywhere - and acts on them. He would gladly have paid three times what he did back then.

But he didn’t. And that, to me, is priceless.